Old times

When I did my duty I went to the airforce and was later stationed in a secret cave in the south of Holland. It was called the Joint Operations Center and it was a HQ of Nato. I was working as a telex operator. Telex is nowadays a fossile of communication. I remember the times around x-mas and new year when the connected stations were sending messages with drawings that were completely build up from characters. Later on the net when there were no pictures, only text, people were using the same technique, nowadays knows as ASCII drawings. Looking around on YouTube I found one drawing as a sort of comment, that I found rather funny. So I thought to post it here.

................... .... ... /´ /)
.................... ..,../¯ ..//
.................... ..../... ./ /
.................... ..,/¯ ..//
.................... ./... ./ /
............./´¯/' ...'/´¯`•¸
........../'/.../... ./... ..../¨¯\
........('(...´(... ....... ,~/'...')
.........\.......... ..... ..\/..../
..........''...\.... ..... . _.•´
............\....... ..... ..(
..............\..... ..... ...\

Disgusting MSN

Everytime when I open my MSN I get this stupid unwanted news window, with really stupid news items, like "boy and girl make love in wrong car" or "overview of plastic surgery gone bad". Like I really would be interested in this kind of brainless news.

But today something else caught my atttention, here is a picture of that item, it's in dutch and I will make a small translation:



In a nutshell it's a news item about the shooter of Virginia Tech "Cho Sueng Hui". The little story states how he send a package containg several video's, pictures and letters to NBC. So far nothing bad, it's all over the news and it may be considered as important, though I wonder why because this happens every day in Iraq. It's a tragedy indeed, but we have far more bigger tragedies outside and they never make the news. Anyway, what is my concern and what makes me disgusted about MSN is the 2 buttons underneath the story. One button is green and says: "kicken" what would be translated mean something like "cool" and the other button in red says "dumpen" what maybe some of you will indeed recognize. It means "dump". If there would be some hilaric or bizar story I would eventually understand and even laugh about the matter. But this voting system is really disgusting. You can actually see that the whole setup for this site is focused on youths. And that is exactly my point, this is how our society is evolving. It's shallow, brainless and totally superficial and with a total lack of feelings to make news like something you can shoot at like in a shooting gallery.Hot or not, cool or dump, is this really how this kind of news should be rated? Anyway it seems that rating systems are found everywhere on the net it's this kind of bullshit we see everywhere everyday. The problem is that any nitwit can put news on this site because it's in the section of "MSN reporter". So here is a platform offered to people to put news in a section where you can rate it as cool or dump. Do the developers of MSN have any brain at all? Or why is there not any editing on what would be accepted to put up here? What the fuck is wrong with this world? Why do we accept this and why some assholes think that we find this funny or even want this kind of garbage? It's totally the wrong place and the wrong thing to do. And even the fact that we have free services like MSN messenger and therefore are accepting this is actually the sad story of today. A lot of people will say, you don't have to look at it. It's like TV you just change the channel. But my point is that teenagers are part of this thing, and they become shallow and without any sense what is acceptable or not because they are exposed to this every day. Once the internet was a beautiful anarchistic thing without control and direction. But when it became the territory of the commercialists it was the end of a beautiful beginning.

"Erotikon"

Last monday was the official Kick-off of the project "Erotikon" I mentioned before. This was done at the 5th anniversay of the Colorbar in Antwerpen. The first part of the evening would be one for VIP and press the second part would be for the audience. To elaborate what this is all about; I take part in the project as a performer of one dance. See my former weblog entry.

We startd last monday at 1.00 pm with a general rehearsal. Putting the last details in place. For me it was the first time I had to rehearse with the tailormade outfit for this show. And of course some problems came up. The outfit was made so that my fellow dancers could stript me down. Because the show has an erotic background with fetishism angles the outfit was made from leather. But it turned soon out that while dancing I could loose my trousers. That was not completely the plan. So we made some small adjumstments on the spot. The funny thing was that the club where this kick-off took place has a stage but that it's not really meant for theatrical productions. So there would be some practical problems in how we approach the stage etc. But for the rest everything was fine, just being creative and solution driven makes things work. The team of people were amazing. First of all there is Marc Bogaerts he is the choreograph and he worked, to name a few, with the Royal Ballet of Flanders and Cirque du Soleil. He did a good job to teach people with no dancing experience at all in a few weeks with just a couple of rehearsals to perform a complete dance. We are still amateurs but for the untrained audience it looked perfect. Totally I performed 2 times that night. The biggest challenge was to hide my private parts. Because the at of the dance I am symbolicly "freed" of my malehood. And that will be revealed at the end so I had to hide my "pride" ;-) very well. I consulted a transvestite and it turned out that a lot of color skin tape is needed amongst some other rahter painfull tricks. So now I am anxious for the big show on 11 and 12 may. And I hope to find soon some pictures and eventual video's to add on this weblog about Erotikon.

Loveletters from Taiwan

Finally, they came. Kate her mail from Taiwan. Not just some ordinairy email, but real old fashioned physical evidence of the existence of a real person. How strange that I even call email ordinairy, but actually that's what it is these days. I found the note on the floor of my hallway and I rushed to the postoffice. Strange enough she made 2 attempts before, the first letter never arrived and the second one was sent back because I missed the note of arrival between the pile of paper spam I get on a daily bases. When I drove back on my bicycle, my heart started to beat in an crazed frequency. I realized that this was the first time I was holding something in my hands that she created. The very first physical touch of something that made 10.000 km of travel and what she had in her hands untill the moment came to push it thru the opening of a mailbox. The package contained many things, it made me feel I am for a moment part of her world. A ticket of some gig, a sticker, a cd with her professional photo's (for my project to build her a website), 2 letters, an index that showed the content of the package written in colorfull lines, her old plectrum, her phonebill (only one page out of 10) covered with my phonenumber (she named it the proof of our growing love), a birthday card, a sticker of old Paris and a brochure from some Donut chain. Ow how much I love being this silly over her package. It's a fact one day back in history I refused to grow up and I can feel very silly about these tokens and little stuff she sends me. I keep it under my pillow and sometimes before sleeping I read the letters again. I am greedy for her handwriting, I am greedy with the idea how her beautiful hands touched the paper with care and passion. Now it's my turn to send something back. I have to admit I prosponed it, but I also had some practical reasons for that. But I came up with the idea not send a letter but a small notebook. I started writing one night in the garden, a bottle of wine next to me, a candle for light. The idea to use a book is that it will travel back and forth between us. Thus adding words to each others writings. Next to words anything can be glued or taped inside this book. One day we will hold this book in our hands, and smile and see how our love evolved. The idea of creating something physical rather then something digital is wonderful old fashioned but somehow so much more value. Really Kate, I love us being silly!

The magical number of 100

Long I waited for this moment, though it's just another milestone for the real event. Today it will be 100 days from now that I will finally meet my little muse from Taiwan. But just another day and it will be less then 100 that I have to wait. When I came up with the idea to put this countdown on my weblog I was thrilled. One for mastering a piece of Java and second that I visually kept informed about the passing time. Time is a funny thing. Coz working an hour always takes longer then having fun for one hour. What came to my attention that in the beginning the days seem to fly. But later when the countdown was steadily going down with the same pace, it felt that it will take a lifetime before I meet her. But the feeling is still the same, she is worth the waiting, and it's funny how our relationship is evolving over the net. Me behind my PC mastering different programms on design, and photography, she doing her assingments and reading a book every 2 days. With the cam open it feels like we already have a life together. Maybe for others this will look like rubbish and foolish, and sometimes we need a reality check, but isn't it after all what our hearts desire and what we can make true? My reality check was also receiving mail, and I am not just talking the e-mail thing, I am talking about the real thing. Seeing her handwriting, her crazy thoughts, her stickers, her little things like the used plectrum made my heart almost jump from my chest. So now I keep it under my pillow and my most valuable treasure. Now it's my turn to send something back, I am excited about it and thinking what kind of stuff I can send from my world to hers. Much of my ideas are disturbed by my muse, because she already threw me some wishes, haha. I have the trust that being together will even be much more fun then it's now. I know, we are just 2 crazy people, from different worlds, age, culture and who knows what. But still we don't feel any difference at all. Another 100 days and a new chapter will be written in our book of adventures......

Kate's Lyrics

everytime when i see you walk into my sight

I can feel theres always something in your eye

the way youre walking like that, talking like that, acting like a homeless cat,

thats not the way I want it

theres someone whos taking away all your pride

I can feel all the fears running thro your mind

though I don't know what its like, be hurted like that, the wounds they just won't heal till now.

*wake up now, and find your light

its the chance of a lifetime

Don't waste it, don't waste it.

open your arms, embrace your life

Don't waste your tears, don't waste your tears for that.

These Lyrics kate wrote for me in the very beginning. And though I had the idea I was able to keep the pain inside of my past, she was seeing it all. She touched me deeply then, and she still touches me deeply now. I am silly sometimes and I can mix up names, but she knows it, how much place she has in my life. She inspired me to follow the light, she inspired me to believe in love again. And it's true, perception sometimes changes to much because of our experiences. So it's us who have to bend the perception back in it's original state, the state that makes us flow again like the winding river, instead of being the standing pool. I love you Kate for opening my senses.

Rehearsal for Erotikon

Here it is, a sneak preview on a project that I am happily to join in one of the dancing acts. Without any dancing experience and theatre knowledge I am one of the about 15 people that dance in this secret project of Praga Khan. Because officially it's not released yet The 16th of april we will have our official kick-off and introduction at the 5 years anniversary of the Color Bar in Antwerpen.The dance I will perform with Hanne and Jolijn will represent the triangular relation between a man and 2 girls. At first I will be trying to show my power and my desire for being dominant. But as the story evolves and a glimpse of every day reality I loose my power and at the end I am dominated by the 2 women, so here we have it true "Girl Power". During the dance they will strip me down untill I am fully naked and therefore vulnerable. The end will be a rather suprise and I am not going to reveal that part now ;-). After the official kick-off I will reveal more information on this project. Go HERE to the website of project Erotikon

"on the way home" by Kate

The Mysterie

Your chance to get real goosebumps, follow this link and do the following, take a random number like 42, then add the 4+2=6. Then deduct the 6 from 42 giving 36. Look in the table for the number 36 and remember the matching symbol, click her hand, and..... she will guess the symbol you have in your mind. Here you can find this creepy lady.

Embryo by Polymorphe France

A very touching and sensitive video from Polymorphe about the fetishsm for Latex. Sit back relax and feel. Don't you feel reborn?

The original website of the creator you can find here, and here you can find the original video in quicktime.

Kate in the photostudio.....

Some pics taken by friends of Kate. A bit enhanced by me. You can really see how much she loves modeling ;-)

Some of my impressions of Germany

Time wears off all sharp edges.

The decadence of mankind, or nothing
really changed over all these years?

Forgotten glory from the time of "der Kaiser".

I feel lust for another cup......

Love thy city.

Even now and then Teddy's commit suicide

How low can I get?

It's been more then a year now, the struggle to find a decent job. After I lost my job in september 2005 it wasn't a good situation in the market to find a job in sales again. The few jobs that were around were not interesting at all. Besides of that I lost a lot of my confidence. It's not easy get from one reorganisation into another. It also made my resume look bad. Every job interview I am questioned about those short term jobs I had. It's not my fault but hey, how to explain that to a new employer? In common they think there is something fishy about this guy. What they don't see is that I have the flexibility and all the strength to get back on my feet every time. So the year that's now behind me was a year of finding myself again and getting the trust that it will work out. But the truth is that it's seems almost impossible. I was doing fine with my latest job interview, I made my assessment very well, high score on experience, intellect, personality and commercial skills. I am getting into the third round, and then the shit hits the fan. For some unkown reason my former employer made a negative image of me. We agreed that I could also use him as a reference and therefor also named him in my resume, if I would had performed so badly as he says I did, why would I be so stupid to use him in my resume? I was totally in shock and taken by suprise. Besides of the short term jobs that I had for the last 5 years I now was facing a negative image. Of course they only asked this paticular last person about my history at this firm where I only worked for 9 months. They didn't made the effort to ask the other companies where I worked longer. So I was pictured as a liar and it felt I had no credibility at all. This whole weekend I was feeling like someone hit me with a hammer. For a year I am struggling to survive from wellfare money to temporary low paid jobs, just to find something serious again. So this nice former employer just ruins my future with his negative reference. The thing at the end is that as a jobseeker I have no credibility, an employer has it all. In regard to profession I am a serious person, I developed my skills and I have the benefit that I did many different things in my life. And when I am in an interview I want to show this all, but most important I don't like acting, I mean faking. These days they expect the acting part. I should be overflowing from enthousiasm for a new job. I am damn enthousiastic, but just like I am, seriously and without all the show and acting. That's just not me. But that's how it is, it's not good enough anymore. I score high on all the tests, people see me as charming, skilled and intelligent, I am just not a damn actor that praises the stars from heaven for a new job. My approach is as always serious. Maybe I just didn't find the right company and the right people. Today I will get the result from the interview, my premination is not that good. I just have to wait and see.....

The origin of fairytales

Study on self portrait

No Eclips for me

Boymans

Impressions of a graveyard in the forest.