Butterflies in my belly

The clock is ticking, only 43 hours to go and I will meet Kate. It took about 6 months to wait for the moment I would meet her in the flesh. Many questions rise, like: how will be the first aproach, the first touch, the first kiss. Will it be a moment of slow motion, sensing every second to be experienced as an enternal moment, or will it be just a jump and enthousiastic embrace? Will the first kiss be one that is filled with joy and to much reaction, or will it be a slow, thought through intense filled with unhaste? No matter how many times I thought about the conditions and the circumtstances, how many times I ran through the whole setup, the final moment itself will show how it will be. Driven by the senses and feelings at that very moment, reaction to what is felt instantly, without holding back, sliding and giving in to what is felt. One thing is sure, I will feel super conscious about that very moment. I will let go of myself without holding control. But I don't want to rush it, I wanna feel this and keep it as a memory that won't be forgotten. Somehow it feels like somekind of liberation. It feels like homecoming. Maybe there is a lot of imagination added to it. Maybe there is also a lot of idealizing attached to it. But somehow everything feels so damn right about it that I don't care. I know I wasn't writing on my blog for a longer time. Somehow i couldn't find any words to share. Maybe this waiting put me into a vacuum. At least that is how I felt. Nothing in paticular was coming out of me. I couldn't even focus really well on being creative. Like I was sparing myself and keeping it all for that very moment. The best thing that I feel is that I don't have any expectations. I feel totally open for the experience and the adventure. And as I know, Kate feels the same way. She is a wonderful person that knows how to move me. She knows always to push the right buttons. Though I won't let her know she does. But I think she knows. Maybe the unspoken words are the best. The unspoken knowing, that is what a relation, friendship or relation of any kind always make the best. Words can sometimes destroy so much. Why things have to be said when they are sensed so strong? My best guess is that sometimes words are needed just to fill the void. When that is the case, the "real" thing is missing. At least that is something I can really tell from past experiences. Words should be never said, or replace anything that is sensed. In this I refer to the good feelings. Feelings of love and adoration, of longing and passion......

"recalling weeks events"

It was a dreadfull week, one with ups and downs. But we made it. After the harsh mail exchange with a friend, that made me worried and gave me sleepless nights, I was looking forward for my little voyage to Cologne with my friend Hanneke. She challenged me to be on time because me the big mouth said to her to meet at nine A.M. She knows I am one of those time challencing humans, always fighting the clock. So Kate would support me to call me in time. And I made it exactly at nine 0'clock. Hanneke still with her toothbrush in her mouth opened the door, expecting me to be late as usual. So after a quick prep from her, we were ready to leave Eindhoven in direction Germany. While talking we exchanged our latest troubles and events. As forseen she told me about some things that were happening between her and her boyfriend. It was not a suprise because I felt a certain tention when I was over for her birthday some weeks ago. I in exchange told my story about the fight with my friend. We concluded that we would make it a great day and forget about our little troubles of life for a day.

My suprise to her would be a visit to a bookstore from Taschen in Cologne. Man, if you are in books, especially about Art, Architecture, Photography then this is the place to be. I discovered this bookstore in November last year, and I promised myself a present if I find a new job. So the moment came that I wanted to get my present. In my first visit I saw the large Copy about Jan Saudek a rather controversial Czech photographer born in 1935. The book is 28 X 33.3 cm a little of 448 pages and for those who wanna know 4.1 kg.

For those who wanna know more about this phenoma Jan Saudek, I would advice to visit his website especially his curriculum is an interesting part. In 1959 Jan Saudek gets a camera from his girlfriend a Flexarette 6x6. He still uses this camera. A technique he uses in his pictures is coloring them by hand. Therefore giving them the distinguished Jan Saudek carnivalesque apearance.

My favourite picture is titled Hey Joe! Here in a colorized version. What is for me making this picture interesting is the strange post-war apearance. But also what struck me is the sharpness of the clouds compared to other parts of the picture. I believe that the clouds were blended in somehow.

After visiting Cologne we drove off to Solingen, and visited the "Schoß Burg" and the Müngstener Bridge. This construction was started in 1893 and ended in 1897. The Kaiser Wilhelm II gave the order to build this masterpiece. But he refused to appear on the grand opening because the bridge was devoted to the rememberance of the 100 birthday of his grandfather Wilhelm I. Another interesting note is that the bridge is build by the company M.A.N. A company that still exists these days. The bridge is 500 meters long, weighs 5000 ton is 107 meter high measured above the river the "Wupper". They used 950.000 rivets, and a mythology tells the story that one of the rivets is made of gold. The specific rivet is still not found untill this day. After the 1st world war the bridge was renamed Müngstener Brücke.

After a long day we headed home. I was happy to see Hanneke again and to have time to talk and discuss anything that came up. She always inspires me with her passion for illustration and her interesting stories.