Neo's Words

27 december, the raid....

2010-12-30T21:08:00.005+01:00

Exhausted she leaves the bus. After a 3 day trip and 48 hours of bus back and forth she is happy to be home soon. Her sister and friend following her in her footsteps. She thinks back of the exhausting dancing in the club, but she made money. Not that much, but still she worked for it. The days of christmas spent in a bar full with men, smelling like liquor and watching her with hungry eyes. But she made it, she is almost safe, home again.

She notices a cab, walks up to it and starts negotiating the price for her and her party. There are already 3 people in the cab, but that is not so unusual. It will only be more easy to negotiate a fair price. The driver opens the trunk for the luggage and they get in. The cab moves through the streets of Managua, finding it's way through the busy traffic. She feels safe. At night it is always a different story. The car drives on, meanwhile her thoughts wander off not really looking at the other people in the car. The window is open, it's hot. The wind caresses her chocolate colored skin, she blinks preventing her eyes from tearing because of the wind. She thinks of her husband, what would he be doing right now? In about an hour he will call. She longs for his voice, his comforting words. She feels how much she misses him. Maybe this will be the last Christmas she has to be alone....

Suddenly she notices that the car is not following the logical route to her town. She turns her head and is asking what the driver is doing. The woman in the front seat, tells her to shut up and pulls a knife out of nowhere. The young guy in the back sitting next to her friend pulls a gun and points it in her direction. She is startled by this unpleasant surprise. They are all silent. The young guy with the gun smiles and uncovers the gold filling in his front teeth. We are taken you out for a ride he says. Her sister starts protesting and he swings the gun into her direction. The woman in the front pushes the knife on her throat.

Finally they arrive at remote dust road in a forest. O.k. says the driver, hand over all your stuff. She resists but is aware of the threat there is not much she can do. Shivering she takes her purse and hands it over. The young guy pulls it out of her hand and opens it. He searches through her stuff. She sees the make-up set that she got as a gift from her husband. The young guy grabs the money and gives it to the cab driver. He sees her cell phone. Instantly he opens the phone and looks at all the content. He finds a picture of a white male. Who is this guy he asks. She refuses to answer. He repeats his question more forcefully while swinging his gun. Who is this? Is this your husband? Your boyfriend? Suddenly her friend breaks silence. She stumbles.... "it's her husband". The guy laughs with triumph. Probably he finds it despicable that she is married to a gringo. The young girl that didn't say a word and is probably his girlfriend notices the silver heart necklace around her neck and the earrings. Both a gift from her husband. She demands the pieces but she refuses. The woman with the knife puts her fingers around the necklace and pulls it with force from her neck. And now the earrings she yells. Or should I pull them too? Trembling she removes the earrings. She got them because of her allergy for metal and they are made from surgical steel. She hands them over.

Out of the car she yells. They all get out of the car. Lined up in the forest. She doesn't know what is going to happen. The cab driver stands outside with the woman and the young gangster hands his gun to the older cab driver. He walks up to her and hisses in her ear, so you only like white dicks? She trembles. She feels tears in her eyes but she holds them back. His hands grab her pants and slide down. He touches her private parts while the other hands unbuttons her blouse and grabbing her breasts. Maybe I should show you how a real man looks? Suddenly the girl starts protesting. She says it's enough. In the meantime a woman is walking in the distance with a child. Following the road in the forest. The older guy notices the woman and warns the others. They look at each other. He takes back the gun and is pointing it at her. She closes her eyes. Would this be the end? She is afraid and waiting for the sound of the gun. Instead she hears the guy saying, if you try to talk to the police I will find you.

The jump in to the car and with spinning tires they head away. She falls on her knees and starts crying, her sister and friend too. All in shock holding each other. She thinks of her husband. How much she would like to be hugged and hold. She would really need him now. In this very moment. But he is not there he is far away overseas.

The woman with the child comes closer and looks surprised at the scene, not understanding what is going on. She doesn't know that her appearance was a possible cause for preventing more bad things to happen.

3 hours later she calls the number she can almost dream. She feels like bursting in tears but is holding back. How should she tell him, what happened, the horror, the fear? The phone is picked up. It's me, her husband. I listen to her voice. Instantly I sense that something is wrong. I am stunned. I tell her that I call her back right away.....

A Dutchman in Belgium

2010-10-18T20:20:00.005+01:00

I am in this coaching and workshop thing. It's a project to start my own business in a safe and cosy environment without the risks involved. It's a way to see if my concept is working or not without falling on my face. I am eager and enthusiastic about what I do. I feel always very vibrant and lively and see many oppertunities. I am curious and want to learn, also from the experiences of others. But I feel that many times somekind of resistance is coming from people. Based on the language I use and the way I speak and communicate. I hear to many times this is typical Dutch, are you sure to do business in Belgium? You are such a typical sales person. Dutch are this and Belgiums are that. The tendency of labeling is sometimes in my opinion stronger then before. I have to admit, I feel really tired of it. It makes me feel I am to smart and the rest is to retarded what of course is total bullshit. I have my weaknesses as well and I am far from best or better human being. Is my enthusiasm also my trap?

Sometimes I feel living in Belgium is almost like living in the dark ages. Painfully people tend to point at the differences and the impossibilities coming from that. I start to walk on eggs and I feel that I better shut up and hold back. From this point of view it looks like nothing is going forward anymore, even worse things go backward. There is no open mind towards refreshing different views. Even though Flemish is close to Dutch there is to much differences in nuance. Maybe I should really focus on the Dutch market and forget about Belgium. To them I am the smooth talker, the salesman. They have difficulties to look beyond that point. I am much more then that. It gives a feeling of complete solitude, something that I sometimes like but not always. I think of burning bridges and ships. But what options do I have? I don't want to go back to Holland, a country that in my opinion drastically changed into a extreme society with extreme views, fear and anxiety rule. Extreme populist politicians rule without taking full responsibility. Jeez what became of this idiot world. I feel really tired.....

2010-09-16T17:34:00.000+01:00

Micmacs à tire-larigot

2010-05-03T10:43:00.005+01:00

Last year in autumn I went to the cinema in Antwerp. While people were piling up in front of another entrance, some stupid sequel about hot cars and hot girls, I found myself in a total empty room. I never experienced this, especially in the Metropolis of Antwerp.

The movie another little treasure of Jean-Pierre Jeunet is about an average person working in a video rental. His youth started cruel with the loss of his father who died as a mine sweeper in a bomb squad. Some stuff from his dad was sent back home, including a piece of shrapnel. The image of this piece with the name of the factory was burned in his mind. Many years later he sits in the video store and one day there is some noise outside of the store. He walks to the door to look what is going on. Standing in the door a strange situation is unfolding in front of him. Two rival gangs are having a shoot out, complete with car and motorcycle chasing. One bullet misses the target and hits Bazil (the video store guy) in the head.

This is where the story starts. After operation, actually a non-operation, he ends up loosing his job, loosing his home and on top of that finding his personal stuff scattered in the neighborhood. Back at the store arguing with his former boss the girls that tooks his place hand him over the hull from the bullet that hit him. He keeps it as a souvenir. Bazil is not the depressive kind, though he doesn't speak much during the movie. He get's on the way and first starts making some money. He has an absolute talent in synchronized speech of movies. In the metro system of Paris he makes money by singing synchronized to a girl that stand behind a column.

One day he meets an old jailbird, who has little threatening talks but in heart is a true and lovely person, he takes Bazil to his home, a pile of garbage. But looks can deceive the pile of garbage is nothing more then a camouflage for their home. His new job is gathering metal scrap and things people throw away. Quickly adapting to his new situation he finds him one day on the way on a big boulevard. And suddenly he is like struck by lightning. Across the street he recognizes the sign with the name of the factory who created the mine that killed his death. But surprised exactly on the other side of the road is the factory who created the bullet that almost killed him. He chooses the direct approach and enters the factory that killed his dad. He doesn't get far. Thrown out at the street, a plan unfolds in his mind, it is time for revenge.

Micmacs is a typical Jeunet movie. It is not hard to recognize his hand. When you watched Delicatessen and Amelie, you instantly know it's him. That was also what the critics wrote. I personally think that it's a brilliant movie. I love his art of film making. I think people these days are to much spoiled with the mega billion dollar movies from Hollywood. Micmacs is a small story about small people. Victims of the big money and big companies. And they take their revenge with their means. It is dark comedy at it's finest, not so dark as Delicatessen but dark enough for me. I would say it is also much more art, because the effort Jeunet takes in the details. Every shot in the movie is like a small piece of art, rich in detail, color and light.

A must see movie for fans of this genre!

Ich habe Sie geliebt.

2010-05-03T10:29:00.001+01:00

Goodbye?

2009-05-27T22:42:00.007+01:00

It hurts. She told me today she doesn't love me anymore. She said: "you are my soulmate, you are like family, I care for you". But she doesn't love me anymore, not the way it should normally be between a couple. We cried, we talked, we tried to grasp the feeling. She asked me to lay down in bed with my macbook. The ritual of laying in bed and chatting. I am so afraid of loosing the chat. That it could be the last image ever of her. I feel complicated by this ordeal. Why is it that women think I am the greatest guy, passionate, lovely, caring, a good cook, adventurous, creative, smart, humorous, romantic etc. But they seem always to look for something else. The superficials, the mean types, the muscles, the macho's. All the guys that seem to like to think of a woman as a chick, and only see them as a body and not a person. I wish I could be just like those assholes. But I can't. I know after this breakup I won't be in favor of a relation anymore. I can't do it anymore. Investing myself again, being accepted again, going thru the whole thing of building, investing and compromising.

I feel sleepy, but I am afraid to fall asleep. She has her eyes closed, lays on her bed with her angel like face. I look at her. Tears in my eyes. They already hurt so much from the pain and the cries the last hours. Before she laid down, she put on some music. Music that I played in the past for her. I feel you, les Djins, Coldpay, more songs. She dances in her red panty in front of the cam. Her typical dance, that is so her. It makes me always laugh and happy. Not this time. Now I can only think what I loose, how to proceed without her. Some say that no woman is worth the pain, but I can't help it. It's how I feel, I love her, every fiber of her. The little mole on her left ear. The 4 dimples when she laughs out loud. The strange birthmark on her back above her buttocks. The shape of her long fingers that so gracefully play the guitar. Her hairless armpits that I am always so obsessed with. The bridge of her nose, that I like to call my spot. Her beautiful full lips that can make so much noise when she is eating satisfied one of my dishes. Her legs, ah those legs. And my fascination for her pubic hair. So many things about her body that I know in detail.

She turns on the bed and some mumbling noise escapes from her mouth. It looks like she looks at me, but I don't see her really reacting to my staring. I lay down a bit more. My burning eyes frozen on the screen. I dose of a bit. Sometimes I scare awake, still checking for the image. If the chat is still open. Then suddenly it happens, the chat screen freezes. The last image of her on my desktop. Will I ever see her again......

Great Obama video

2008-11-21T20:04:00.001+01:00

Obama '08 - Vote For Hope from MC Yogi on Vimeo.

Reverse Graffiti

2008-10-30T11:38:00.001+01:00

Alexandre Orion a reverse graffiti environmental activist.

A few years ago he adorned a transport tunnel in Sao Paolo with a mural consisting of a series of skulls to remind drivers of the detrimental impact their emissions have on the planet. The Brazilian authorities were incensed but couldn't actually charge him with anything so they instead cleaned the tunnel. At first they cleaned only the parts Alexandre had cleared but after the artist switched to the opposite wall they had to clean that too. In the end, the authorities decided to wash every tunnel in the city.

Doel, a dying village

2008-09-19T15:01:00.007+01:00

Doel, that's the name. A small village near Antwerpen. A village that is dying after legislators almost 30 years ago decided that the harbor had to expand and the village had to make place. Nowadays the village is crammed between a nuclear plant and the piled up containers of Antwerpen harbor, only a few houses are still occupied. But soon also these last families that resist to leave will be forced out. The first houses went already down. I paid Doel a visit on one evening, to witness how a dying village looks like. The earie and strange sensation that I felt I put in my pictures. It's a great experience and one of a kind. Here are some examples.......

It's stange to see what people leave behind, like cars and kids toys.

Gaz used to be 92 eurocents and Diesel 70 (prices still in Belgian Franks)

The last household shop, run by an old lady. Quite messy place.

2008-05-25T00:49:00.001+01:00

My living room taken with the Sigma 17-70 mm at 17 mm focal length

My living room again but this time with the 10-20 mm Sigma with 10 mm focal length.

rediscovery of photography

2008-05-25T00:05:00.006+01:00

For some years now I am into photography. Though I love old film and camera's I am despite of my age in favour of progression. That's why I like digital camera's much more. The computer is my darkroom, and the digital camera my tool for getting the images. In 2003 I bought the 8 megapixel DSC F828 from Sony, before that I used the F505 since 99. The F505 was housing 3.2 megapixels. Before the F505 I used a Kodak, one of the first camera's. Now you could compare the resolution of the Kodak to an ordinairy webcam today. In between I bought an EOS 30 analog camera that made me familair with Canon. I used it a lot on my trips to Romania, and still have hundreds of pictures stuffed in a drawer. Still wishing to buy myself a film scanner. Anyway, this month I found the oppertunity to invest in a Canon 40D. Why the Canon? Because first of all, I still had a very good 28-300 AF Sigma lens that would be fitting the new camera. Secondly I am kind of fond of Canon. I don't feel much attraction to other brands. Why the 40D? Because I simply wanted a camera that had some good features and though it may sound weird, I have a weakness for big clumsy heavy camera's. They feel more balanced. There is totally nothing wrong about the 400D and 450D and I think they really trigger creativity and playfull picturing, but it's just not my cup of tea. For me the EOS 30 was already a good feeling big camera. The 40D is even bigger and heavier, with a Sigma lens it weights about 1,8 kg.

Anyway I spent my money on this camera, and the first days were really adventurous. Most stuff is found very quickly, but it's more the hidden features and custom possibilities that I like to figure out. The 28-300 mm from Sigma mentioned before was doing a fine job, but because the 40D is not a fullframe DSLR or like others call it a cropping camera, I have to multiply the focuspoint with 1.6. Though this is not directly visible in the viewfinder, it becomes clear in the end result. For some reason the viewfinder crops the image a lot, and the endresult shows always more picture information.

So I decided to buy a special Digital lens from Sigma. My choice for Sigma is simple; the lenses are good, solid build with metal and mucho cheaper then Canon. I wish I had the money to spent on original lenses, but it's fairly not possible to find good Canon lenses for good money. My first lens that I bought was the Sigma Macro 17-70 mm. This would give me back some wide angle that I lost with the 28 multiplied with 1.6. The lens is a great lens for multiple usage. Wether it's portraits or landscape, architectural or anything else that comes to mind, it perfomance very well. Especially portrait with a low depth of field is a great feature of this lens. It's also very compact and maybe not as quickly responding with the Auto Focus as an USM or HSM driven lens but I won't complain.

My second lens that I bought is the 10-20 mm from Sigma, this time in HSM. It's the first time that I ever bought this kind of wide angle lens. With 102 degrees at 10 mm it's more then I expected. It's nice to read the catalog or other comments, but finally using this lens convinced me totally to have this little darling. So far so good, I will post some pics to show the benefits. What else is very appealing to me is the 1600 or even the 3200 iso of the Canon. I was never able to make pictures in poor light conditions with almost no noise. The Sony would already give up at anthing more then 400 ISO. My end conclusion is that I feel very inspired and I have the feeling I can move on for the next 5 years or more. This baby is going to stay for a while.

Amazing Kate

2008-05-09T15:58:00.004+01:00

it's hard to resist you I love your talents and beauty. You truly inspire me and enchant me with your ways, little Pipa! I love what you made for me....

Renovating my website

2008-05-09T01:43:00.005+01:00

After the transfer to a Mac, I lost a lot of the original design of my website in Flash. The problem occured because of the font tables that are after years of computer use extended thru installation of all kinds of programs. But when a new install happens of like in this case the transfer to a total different environment, the problems start big. I used overall the Vrinda typefont. But on the Mac it was missing. And paying 99 dollars for the typefont was a bit to much. Then I rather like to put myself in the hassle of changing the fonts. My advice, when designing, make sure you own the typefont, and have backups, or use the standard fontsets that come with most computers like Arial or Sans Serif. Ok, it's rather boring but it won't give much trouble later on. I choosed a total new color scheme, dark grey in this case for an overall quiet image, and the fact that pictures look much better on grey. Furthermore I lost some weight in the SWF file from 5,6 MB to 2,1. This is done by loading the homepage pictures from external SWF files. It gave me also the oppertunity to make it happen randomly so people have the feeling something changes at the site. The rest was some finetuning too, like the external txt file for the news section and update section. Like this I only have to change the txt and not create a new SWF. This same technique I also used for the galleries. The pictures are downsized with the batch function of Photoshop, that also helps me creating a XML file. The pictures and XML are then put in predefined folders on the server. My Flash reads the pictures automatically into the flash gallery. Very convenient. I had to create also a new guestbook, this time with the use of PHP, there are some great feebies on the net, ready for rebuilding. I would say, check it out and enjoy the 2 new addes galleries: here

film is so dead so is video......

2008-04-30T23:08:00.004+01:00

Welcome to the digital revolution called RED. You probably already were seeing it even without knowing. A good example is the movie "Jumper". Not that I am interested in the movie itself, but mere the picture quality. You talk HD? This goes beyond HD it various from 2 times up to 4 times bigger. And it's all digital. 4K shot in raw footage and in the same time the camera creates quicktime movies. They can be used as reference but also as final production file. How does this camera look?

This is just the body, but it's all it is. The camera can be build up with all the gadgets and periphals you need to make it work. It weights a 4.5 kg and is more powerfull then any 35 mm Cine camera. It can record to Compact flash, Harddrives and special solid state flash drives. You wonder? Ok so it's better then film it's bigger then HD, but how does that look? Here is a still, be warned it's a still directly taken from the movie "crossing the line", shot with prototypes. It's 6,8 MB large so it will take a little time to see the original: (4096x1743 pixels not even the full size)

To make it clear again, this is not a photo, this is a movie still. There is so much to tell about this amazing technology, but you can find all the info on the RED website. Ow and don't forget to check the "shot on red" page. There you can find more examples of movies shot with RED. You will be amazed about the crisp and clear quality. There is nothing really nothig comparable. The small movie Mythbusters gives you an inside idea about how it works and how the workflow deals with the RED 4K RAW files. Ow and something else, there will be a 2K pocket pro version in 2009. Maybe it will wake up the moviemaker in you!

To close, here another picture of the RED ONE 4K:

Building a new website

2008-04-30T03:02:00.013+01:00

For a client I am building a new website, because her website is a total disaster. From design view but also from commercial attractivness. Because her shop is in the erotic business of fetish clothes and lingerie I was looking for a special touch. Representing the boudoir like feeling but also the edgy atmosphere of a dungeon. Here is the first look into the project. I started by replacing her home screen with this flash intro. At least so people know something is going to change soon.

I started by designing the different parts in Adobe Illustrator and importing them into Carrara Pro 3D. From there the meshes were worked into 3D parts. Text was added as well as different textures like the wallpaper in the back. The wallpaper I found on the internet and I had to rework it into a texture with photoshop. Then lights were added and the virtual camera movement. The rendering took about 1 hour in good quality. I rendered the 3D images as sequenced tiff files without compression. After this I used photoshop and Adobe Bridge to batch the sequences into jpeg's with progressive quality, after this the sequences were seperated into 2, one for the first clip and the second for the mouseover interaction. Then these sequences were imported into Flash. From there I had to programm the timeline as well the old movie scratches and dust. This is done with the help of some scripting to get the random effect of movie flickr and dust spots. At some point I wanted some small 3D interaction and I created the mouseover. Therefore I had made a second sequence. The problem was to keep the size of the flash down. I did this with the help of photoshop, by using a progressive compressing method. It's close enough for good quality. I ended up with 40% smaller file size. The original can be found here. To give you an idea about the work that get into this, It took me about 2 full days to build this intro.

The biggest problem for me was the overall design. The name of the shop is Catchu - 2bkinky. Making a logo for this name is not quite simple. It's to much information to make a simple design. I started with the character U shape and I thought of a shield. Then I came up with the idea to put it together as some sort of Blacon or family weapon. The owner of the shop was questioning the readibility, because she didn't see the letter U at the beginning. So I moved it more forward on the shield to make it more visible. What do you think is it a good design? Here you see the old design, that in my opinion is far from a design, it's created with the Word Art feature in Microsoft Word

La Môme Piaf

2008-04-24T00:51:00.003+01:00

The sparrow girl. A small person with a tormented soul like that of many lifetimes, she will never be forgotten. Edith Piaf. I've been always impressed by her, though many people these days don't know much of her. The movie La vie en Rose or La Môme is an excellent movie. Though for many the choice of flashbacks and flashforwards are pretty confusing, and the difficulty to put all the major events of her life in 2 hours and 20 minutes, you will be astonished about the acting qualities of Marion Cotillard. She is not an actress playing Edith Piaf, she IS Edith Piaf. Not a moment I realized that I was looking at a 31 year old actress. I had the feeling to see Edith playing her own life. I think this is the best acting I've ever seen so far. I can only imagine the difficulty and stress it must have been to play this big part. Even when she is playing the 47 year old Edith, right before she dies, there is no doubt. Especially for Marion this was the hardest part, because she was afraid that it would look rediculous. So she stayed in bed during the whole shoot, even when off camera. Sleeping before she had to perform again, from this position she felt she could put a realistic picture. I think that Marion as an actress comes close to the greatness of Edith Piaf. Though she will never become immortal, she made Edith come alive and immortal again for those who discover her for the first time. It's a must see movie, but be warned, for the sensitive people it's quite a rollercoaster to see this movie.

Hooking up a guitar to the Mac

2008-04-20T02:17:00.015+01:00

With Garageband in iLive you get a sophisticated recording and sound manipulation device in your hands. I've been playing classic guitar during my youth, and since I have my Mac and seeing some guy giving a demo with an electric guitar hooked up to a Mac at the store, I wanted to pick up my old hobby for playing myself. So finally I got me this fine piece with warm sound. But then came the question how to hook it up? I saw in the shop then, that somekind of nifty little cable was attached that transformed the mono signal into a 1/4 plug stereo. And of course that was nowhere to be found or it had to be ordered, and I can't wait for orders, I hate that. So I went to the electronics shop, bought me shielded wire and plugs and soldered the bunch together. Excited if my little experiment would work I fired up Garageband and to my suprise an overhelming crisp sound was filling my study. The Mac just did the rest, no amplifier, no nothing. Just staight into the Mac. In Garageband you only need to choose a guitar style: clean Liverpool, 60's structure or what to think of the scorching solo, it's all there. I am not a sound engineer, but I hardly can tell the difference from a tube amplified sound.

Here a small example of the sound, playing the first part of the national hymne of Holland:

The power of miniature worlds

2008-04-16T14:59:00.003+01:00

When I was about 7, I liked to walk thru the pages of "Revell" a famous German brand in toys that made products for miniature worlds for train lovers. Besides that they had all the material to create your own downsized copy of reality. I remember how I loved these pictures coz they seemed to reflect a sort of utopia to me. Especially the post war architecture of Germany was somehow attractive to me. Still this architecture can be found traveling around in Germany.

To reflect this old memory I created two pictures of miniature words myself. The fun thing though that this is all software based and are actually real worlds that I manipulated with the tilt-shift technology. Normally this is done by using a special device to tilt-shift the lens, in this case I found a neat trick within photoshop to create the same feeling. I hope you were fooled by the first look at these pictures.....

Migrating my website

2008-04-10T22:02:00.004+01:00

Today I finalized a long prosponed matter, of migrating my website to another hosting company. For years now I've been paying way to much money to the stupid provider that gives me acces to the net. The problem in Belgium is that there are only 2 major players in the market for internet acces. Belgacom, the former state owned telecom company, and Telenet, a private company. Because of this situation there is no competition whatsoever and the prices are sky high for accessing the net. As much this counts also for hosting fees. To give you an example, I payed about 240 euro's a year for maintaining my website with a ridiculous 160 mb size. I moved to one.com, they offer me 2000 mb for 49,50 including the fee for moving my DNS address.

You wonder why I didn't move before? Because since a few months the .be extension is available in Belgium and also did one.com not operate in Belgium before.

Anyway, another problem occured moving my files. Before I used to work with my Windows XP pro PC, and I created my files in Flash and HTML with Adobe CS2/CS3. So far so good, untill I discovered today the problems with installed fonts. Of course I should have known this but I never had a thought that one day soon I would start working on a Mac. The difference is the kind of fonts that are OS wise distributed. For instance I used Vrinda as my main font for my website, but it turns out that this is a Service Pack 2 deployed font. So no way this font is available for the Mac unless I have to pay an additional fee for it. It wouldn't be such a problem if the complete layout get's screwed with bigger replacements. This is probably a glitch as well in the Adobe software. I have no clue why suddenly the fonts become bigger, for example from 11 dots to 20 dots.

Anyway, a tip for y'all out there. If you design something, either break down the font to a graphic or choose the ordinairy known fonts used across the web.

Nostalgia new

2008-04-09T12:17:00.003+01:00

Here is an example of running a C64 emulator on my mac. It's funny to see how big the difference is in size. The original resolution of the C64 was 320x200 in screensize and mostly TV-sets were used for hooking up the Commodore. You can image how large and rough the graphics were. But nobody bothered, because nobody new better. Today with screensizes like on my mac of 1920x1200 it seems so primitive. It's possible to run many of the old programs, demos and Arcade games on these emulators. Though some won't really run on the mac others do on my Windows PC. The second screen is a demo running in the C64 of a 3D glass. Boy these things were so exciting in those days.....

Nostalgia

2008-04-08T13:26:00.012+01:00

In 1981 CBM (Commodore Business machines) introduced the Commodore 64. It was an exciting time because for the first time computers were brought home for "reasonable" prices. They were even very competitive to the professional IBM computers, and even brought more additional features like a synthesizer chip and for that time amazing color graphics. I remember how I got all my money together to buy this miracle of modern technology.

I went on my bicycle to the nearest shop (30 km) and became the proud owner of a Commodore 64. It's even funny to think of the fact that there was no internet, and that for anything you needed on software or any other kind of peripheral that was needed I had to travel distances.

Most programms were sold on ROM cartridges, cassette tapes and later on 5.24" floppies, the other possibility was to programm yourself in Basic or to type over listings in magazines. After a few years I was getting into the army as a pro, and I needed to have something that was portable. I remember that the SX-64 was released in 1984 and it consisted of a 5" color screen and a built in 5,25" drive (named 1541). Portable was hardly a name for it, you could better call it luggable. In the beginning the price was sky high, I remember a mere 3999 guilders. It was this price that made it not much of a succes. But I was still very impressed.

Hardly to believe these days that those dinosaures of the computer age could stir so much excitement compared to for exampel the Macbook Air. In 1985 prices went suddenly really down and it was available for 1699 guilders, that would be about half in euro's, about 800 euro's. Anyway I went to Rotterdam by train (overcome another distance of 100 km to get to the long wanted gadget). And by the time I returned home I was the proud owner of the SX-64. To give you an idea I added some pictures. Next time I am going to write a bit on some amazing programms that were released and were the messengers of things that would change the computer use forever.

The technical sheet: (batteries not included, it only worked on AC power)

Commodore SX-64 "Executive"

Introduced:	January 1983
Released:	January 1984
Weight:	23 pounds
Price:	US $995.
CPU:	MOS 6510, 1MHz
Audio:	3 channels
RAM:	64K
Display:	built-in 5" color screen
	40 X 25 text
	320 X 200, 16 colors max
Storage:	internal 170K floppy drive
	external floppy drive
Ports:	S-video, composite video
	2 joysticks, cartridge port
	serial and 'user' ports
OS:	Commodore BASIC in ROM

The Big Mac Mini

2008-03-15T22:23:00.003+01:00

Today I found an interesting offer of an Acer 24" screen. Because the Mac Mini has a digital (dvi) screen resolutions of 1920 x 1200 this seemed to be a suitable match. So when I came home I was anxious to hook up my new purchased screen.

Absolutely flawless. I was even expecting not the best image and colors for that price. But I have to admit I am really impressed. Before I used a 20" screen from BenQ with a resolution of 1240 x 1024 pixels. Not bad, but I always had the feeling that I was crammed in small spot while working with Adobe PS or Premiere. Now it feels like a big new desk came in and I can easily arrange the tools around and still have space even for a chat window with Kate.

Furthermore, what to tell about my last month experiences with the Mac Mini? I've been running my windows PC next to it, and I discover that I am much more attracted to the flawless working little Apple. The only concern is the disk space. I have about 28 gig of space left. And I start to be concerned that it will get filled to the roof. I have 3 Lacies hanging on it so I have to figure out how to hook up all the files into one of the external drives and still have them working in the apps. It's isn't a big deal, but the thing of organizing files and keeping track of them is not my strongest quality.

Anyway, so far I am totally impressed by this big Mac Mini. With the new screen you would wonder what big PC is behind it because the Mac looks just like a little peripheral device. I pushed the little Mac really to it's limit with Adobe Premiere, Reason, Photoshop, Illustrator, flash etc. Multitasking seems no problem at all. No hick ups no crashes nothing of the kind. Of course the speed when calculating a picture or rendering a movie is another story, for that I would need actually a Mac Pro. But then again, I won't complain for this money. When it's busy I just turn to my PC to do some other stuff. Talking about PC's, my friend Wim came over with his new purchased HP laptop. A real state of the art device. Running Vista. And of course I won't deny that Vista looks really sleek and beautiful. I know it's all make up but the inferface is really gorgeous. Though I feel really lost when I want to search for programs and files. It seems quite complicated compared to XP and Apple. Anyway, we wanted to transfer some video files to my external drive. It was almost impossible the time that it took. Next to that there is this really annoying flaw that in FAT32 you can't copy files larger then 4 gb. So I had to cut up the movie with Quicktime. And yes I've been a bad boy I cracked it to the pro version so I was able to work on it. But boy it took a while for this super machine with Vista to do this. The movie was 5,32 gb and I divided it in 2 files making it possible to copy to my external drive and then attach it into another video with Premiere. It took us 2,5 hours before we were finally ready to hook up the drive back to my apple. The more I work with Mac, Vista and XP, the more I am sure that there is no return or at least no life without a Mac.....

p.s. what is so super cool is that I use my Sony Video cam as webcam. With all the features of course of this Sony, including the wide angle lens. Chatting was never so much fun before!

What I want

2008-02-28T10:54:00.006+01:00

FTW, make dark explosive art. Sentimental photographs of things we loose and forget. Travel. Collect all kinds of music. Have an extraordinary life, regret nothing. Have one and only love that sticks to me forever and also supports me when I am an ass. Work no more, because it is totally pointless as a goal in life. Fuck religion, because it distracts us from our own possibilities, our responsibilities, kills people for no reason, makes people think they are invincible, is a tool for politicians to fuck with our brains. Say what I think, and feel. Write what I think and feel. Observe. Tell stories with pictures. I lie to protect my principles to those who deserve it and want to hear it. I am honest to the ones I love. Seek the boundaries of my own limits and cross them. Stay open for differences and learn from them. Gather knowledge and use it for my passion for art. Seek souls with the same mind but not likewise opinions. Create in any possible way, to express what I need to let out.

Hanneke in videoclip

2008-02-26T12:56:00.001+01:00

The office of the 90's

2008-02-25T21:28:00.003+01:00

And here is a video that I picked from the Adobe site. It is showing the way we used to work in the offices during the 90's. It's almost incredible that we did it this way. Take a look at this video and be surprised on how fast we evolved. (this was even when we already had computers, imagine the time before).

The beauty of Flash

2008-02-25T21:11:00.003+01:00

How flash can be used in media; short films and trailers.

Really worth watching!

I am hooked part 2

2008-02-25T09:09:00.005+01:00

For a week I am working now with my new Mac Mini from Apple. Parallel to the Mac I use still my windows PC. The reason is that I still have some Windows based programs for working in 3D, and some other stuff. Some things came to my attention, some real significant differences in performance and ease of use.

I work with PC's since 1993 and I can describe myself as a heavy user. I know all the little tweaks and backdoors to make Windows run smoothly. I worked with Win 3.1, 95, 98, Windows ME, XP Home and XP Pro. So I am pretty much familiar with the stuff. But you see there starts the problem. Working with Windows is actually asking the user to know the tweaks and backdoors to make things work.

Anyway, my last install of XP Pro, I did a near 5 months ago. I run also Panda protection for firewall and virus scan. It also deals with all the other things like pop-ups etc. It never worked smoothly. I always had some firewall problem, or loosing connection to the net. It also slows down the use of browsers and mail. And believe me, Panda deals even better with it then Norton. Norton steals a lot of your computers resources. Anyway, some things came to my attention and here they are.

1. Startup time of the Mac is a fraction of the time the Windows machine needs. 25 seconds is about it, while the PC needs about 4 minutes.

2. While working on the PC I get all kinds of annoying messages, about latest updates and ready to install, firewall down, thread because the virus program crashed and needs a restart, about secure pages that are to be opened and I have to confirm. With the Mac I had nothing like this at all. I did one check on updates myself and they were fast installed in the background. Any new program I install has to be confirmed with a password. Something I really like because it gives me total control.

3. Problems: The windows machine crashes regularly, something that is going on for a year now and reinstalling Windows didn't solve the problem. Sometimes when I close the PC he will even startup again. The error I get is vague and even Microsoft can't give a satisfying reason for the problem. Furthermore my PC can go get busy with some disk activity while I run no programs, using a lot of resources. It's hard to figure out what he is doing and why. None of these problems so far with the Mac, no crashes no bad things. Though it's a new machine and a clean sheet, the problems described with the PC also occurred also after a clean install.

4. Networking. I tried before with the Windows PC to share disks and folders with a laptop that was hooked up thru a network hub. Sometimes it would work but mostly it didn't. There was no solutions to make it work consequently. Because I have many files on the Windows PC I thought I give it a try to share the disks with the Mac. But I wasn't expecting it to work flawless. To my surprise it works totally without problems. Whenever the Windows PC is on, I see it appear in the Finder of the Mac. It gives me total freedom in working shifting files from one to the other.

5. Overall performance, it runs smooth and beautiful. I couldn't install Aperture from Apple because the Video board on the Mac is not sufficient for this program. But that is more the choice of having a cheaper Mac. Graphics are smooth and the operating system works totally instinctively and I did adept really fast to this new environment. It works totally logic and I feel really more familiar and secure with the Mac OS interface.

Some extra's. I discovered that the in and outlet for audio contain also an optical connection. In the beginning I was really puzzled about it. I mean from my own conditioning I couldn't believe that it would contain different interfaces. This is true innovation. All that is needed is a optical fiber cable that you can buy at any audio store and a small special adapter. The sound is remarkable and it also puts surround and DTS when watching DVD.

These are my first findings on working with the Mac. Over time I will probably find some flaws. One thing I discovered was that you can't use a microphone directly on the Mac. It's not something that is the first to notice, and in the beginning I thought that my Mac already was broken. But Google was very helpful. It turned out that the mike needs it's own amplifier. So I found this nifty little device called iMic that amplifies thru USB. It has in and outlet for headphones and mike. Thus creating even an extra in and outlet and gives me freedom to use the optical port for my Aiwa computer speakers. Besides that the iMic can also be used to hook up your old recorplayer and turn those valuable records into mp3. Until now I am really enthusiastic. In the next weeks I plan to work on different websites and movies. I am curious how the overall performance will be. My creational fire started burning again. I keep you posted.

2008-02-20T22:32:00.003+01:00

Here the story about my journey to Taiwan will be told in different blogs. Kate will be my co-author. Enjoy the ride. For more info on this, see the former blog "Impressions of Taiwan"

I am hooked!

2008-02-20T13:31:00.001+01:00

One thing that I like to tell here, is the fact that I bought my first Apple computer, the Mac Mini. I took the bigger model with 2 Ghz and expanded the memory with 1 gb making it now 2 gb. I bought it in Taiwan because I found out that it's about 230 euro's cheaper then Europe. Furthermore Apple delivers it with an adapter that takes 110 - 240 volts, so only the wire I had to exchange back home. And it's really remarkabe. This is a small box with magic. It performs so good, it's beyond my expectations. I am really impressed and I feel my creative juices running again. I hooked up my Lacie drives and I can now exchange all the files from my PC. Even migrating iTunes was a small effort and so smooth that I am still jaw dropping. I will keep my PC as backup and garbage can for all the internet clutter. Sorry Bill, but that's how I see a Windows machine these days. For backing up the garbage.

Ok let's be fair, I still have some pretty games and other 3D design programms running. But that will be about it.

I've been playing (I can hardly call it work) now for 2 days and I still discover new things. Because I am used to Windows, I am a real digger when it comes to software, and boy, I found some pretty neat tools. I bought also an extra Lacie for the Time machine function, and making a second partition was not more effort then a blink of the eye. Yeah, yeah, I know I am drooling and over enthusiastic, but hey let me have my moment of glory ;-)

Of course I am aiming for the iMac 24 inch, but that's a matter of time and money. For now I can start enjoying working on my tiny lovely Mac. Thanks Steve, for being innovative, smart, thinking from the user point of view, and making the first step affordable. I don't mind if you make bigger bucks and are more expensive, though this last statement is just depending on how you look on things. I don't mind your "reality distortion field" capabilities, as long as you keep making these kind of innovative products, I will be a loyal customer. Apple RULEZ!

Impressions of Taiwan

2008-02-20T13:25:00.001+01:00

Taiwan,travel,Asia,culture,long distance relation,food

Where do I start after this overwhelming and impressive short journey. I am actually pretty speechless. The moment I stepped out of the airport after a warm embrace and kiss with Kate, the adventure started. New sounds, scents, views and feelings started to trigger my senses and attracted me deeper into her world. I am amazed, flabbergasted, impressed, confused and happy. I want to write many things about this experience and I think it's pretty useless to do that in one article, so I will make an effort to publish my adventures in different articles, and also I would like to focus on different topics that came to my knowledge and really made me think about some cultural interesting differences. Things we could learn from, things that are worth thinking about, things that also triggers the critic in me and that I want to share. But above all, my adventures with Kate, and the growing love between us. The bridge we are building hence, the differences in age, culture and language.

Because there is pretty much material I will publish it all on a new blog, and Kate will be my co-writer. We are still thinking of the name, but once it's ready I will put the link right here. So keep checking and within a few days you can join us in the ride.

With kind regards Pieter.

The unreliable collective memory

2008-01-28T12:08:00.000+01:00

It's a strange thing and somtimes I think am I the only one who remembers? For example in the 70's there was this guy called Uri Geller. He was all over the television and people were almost glued to the tube when he would appear. He calls himself a mentalist, being able to manipulate matter with his brain. His most known act is the bending spoon performance. Of course this kind of psychic power would attract critics and it did finally. For instance the Stanford Research center did some scientific tests, but the protocol and conditions in which he had to perform were really questionable. The scientists taking part in this examanition therefore did a very sloppy job. In their report they left out even some critical statements. But one man wasn't that gullable and as a former magician became a professional critic to deal with all physic phenoma and other people claiming to have psychic powers. His name is James Randi. He just showed in several occasions how simple the bending spoon trick could be performed. It's just a matter of preparation. Alledgely Geller would bend the spoons before his performance untill they would almost crack. This is known as metal fatique. When bending a metal object frantically the metal structure heatens up and causes a weakness in the moleculair structure. At the end little strength is needed to bend the spoon and even crack it. In Johnny Carsons "The Late Night Show" in 1973, Geller was challenged to perform. Only in this case the tableware and other objects were not brought in by Geller. Of course Geller couldn't perform and was exposed. His pittyfull excuse was that he couln't perform under pressure. Soon after he dissapeard from TV and the public eye.

But to my suprise he showed up again with a new show, where he claims to retire soon and is looking for the next Uri Geller. So people are invited and challenged to reveal the same kind of psychic powers. The public and a panel will finally choose the winner who can hold the questionable title of the next Uri Geller. And here is the problem. Did people really forget all about the past? The audience is still as impressed as in the 70's. Even in this time with internet and all the technologic evolutions they let themselves be tricked with the same stupid performance from 30 years ago. It's even sad to see that his trick is still the same basic 3 ones. Reading peoples drawings by mind and reproduce them, bending spoons, and let broken watches again work. Nothing changed and he didn't come up with something new. And though he did some confessions in the past he was never really clear about that he was just a magician and a fraud regarding psychic powers.

I feel very alarmed about the collective memory we share. If a little fraud as Uri Geller can do this, what about the history of this world, and the people that have the power? The Bushes, the necons, the globalized companies and anyone who like to manipulate us? Uri Geller is a perfect example. If he can get away with this, what would stop any politician to get away with even worse tricks and manipulations?

Addiction

2008-01-17T23:44:00.000+01:00

Who would ever thought, me spending money on music. But yes, I am hooked. So, so badly, that even Kate is talking about my new girlfriend. I am talking about the iPod Touch I purchased some weeks ago. Luckily I had some money for X-mas and second lucky stroke me when a guy wanted to sell his second hand, two months old iPod. The reason was that he won the Classic with 160 GB. He offered me the thing for half price and, after thinking it over (5 seconds), I agreed to myself that I was in for a treat. And oh boy, what was I excited to buy my first Apple product ever. When it comes to spending money on these things and my opinion about gadgets and computers I am a true critic. For example I've been a loyal PC user and therefore also Windows user.

My first experience started with Windows 3.1 back in 1993. I was so excited back then that I was able to scan in a 265 tones of grey picture with my handheld scanner into my PC. In 1994 I started my first steps in the WWW, and boy I've seen it all. All the developments all the changes. And despite my age I am a little boy when it comes to technology. Curiosity is my biggest drive. After all these years also dissapointmet took it's place. I have a hate relationship with my PC. It's actually not the PC that is bugging me it's the damn Windows. I don't even bother to ever purchase Vista. I have enough trouble to keep my XP clean and running. And I am not the all-time IT guru. But from my practical knowledge and use over the years I predict that Microsoft reached it's ceiling. There is only one way to change it, and that is to totally take a new direction. But that would mean no downgrading to older software anymore, that would mean they have to abandon their clients. That would be disaster.

Take Apple for instance, I am not always fond of their arrogancy, but boy, they make hot products. But it's not only the product it's also the way they think. They think so smart that it's even complicated for me as a windows user to get used to their simplicity. I've been setting up a Mac for a friend. I felt like in heaven to be able to do this. And guess what? I got so damn confused because it was so simple. I am so used to adjust, configure, install and do all things necessary to get it running. And now? Nothing at all. I only had to install Leopard. That's it. Of course a few things like name and address stuff. But that was basically it. I can go very deep into details but I think everybody get's the point. I have to admit I like to fool around in a system to tweak it. But I don't like to do that because I HAVE to, so that the damn thing works. Making a fresh install takes me mostly 2 nights with XP. Conclusion: you don't need to be caught and sitting in Guantánamo Bay to feel the torture of the U.S. Just bombard the terrorists with Vista and you are making the suffering so badly. They won't even find time to attack anybody anymore. Just burning a CD with an alledged movie of some attack would keep them pretty much busy.

Anyway, back to my iPod Touch. It is true magic. I dare to say it's the first product ever that gives me 100% statisfaction. And it's even more then that. It's almost magic to use it. The smoothnes of the grahpics on the small screen are truly not comparable with any other handheld device. For my job I use a Nokia e62. That thing looks like a dinosaur in speed and possibilities compared to the iPod, and then I only compare the other features then calling. I was very fond of it in the beginning, but for now it's enough that it can call. And yes, I bought even a giftcard to purchase the latest software and some music from the iTunes store. And it gave me even more statisfaction. I am walking around in my house, doing cooking and some cleaning. When I lay down on the couch, I won't open the TV but I open the youtube on my iPod. I can take it anywhere around in my house and enjoy music and video.

Bottomline is that I think this is a true revolution in how phones and other devices should work. I can only imagine taking this kind of interface into a car. I own the new Ford Mondeo with touch screen for GPS, radio, CD etc. And it is sometimes really lacking in speed. In the morning my GPS can't even start without a proper warming up of the car. When I just take a look at Google Maps on my iPod then I am impressed. What to think about those small GPS devices? Anyway, most important what is also not to forget, it's the big fun factor that I see. Shouldn't using phones and other serious stuff not be more intuïtive in using and finally also be fun?

Kerst het meest treurige feest.

2007-12-26T23:15:00.001+01:00

Ik heb het nooit zo goed begrepen, maar voor mij was Kerst altijd een diep treurig feest. Niet altijd, niet toen ik nog een kleine jongen was en niets van grote-mensen-dingen afwist. Niet toen mijn opa nog leefde en met vredig lieve dominantie de emoties van de familieleden in toom wist te houden. Alleen al zijn aanwezigheid daarvoor was genoeg. Kerst is het feest dat ik meer dan 10 jaar listig wist te vermijden.

Mijn oma is een mensje van de dag geworden en alleen voor haar ga ik de kwelling met open vizier aan. Dit jaar zouden we wat vroeger van start gaan dus ik had gezegd om een uur of 5 s'avonds te arriveren. Thuis was ik mezelf verbluffend aan het tegenwerken en aan het treuzelkonten. Op de bijna verlaten snelweg ging mijn voiture ook al niet harder dan 120. Ik weet het, op het onbewuste niveau wilde ik het liefst thuisblijven, alleen met mijn katten en een steen op mijn hart. Maar ik had de moed niet. Een anderhalve uur later en een half uur te laat, druk ik de deurbel en na wat gestommel doet mijn moeder open. "aan de deur wordt niet gekocht" is haar opmerking. Nieuw is haar grap niet en nog minder leuk. Mijn moeder noemt dat humor, ik noem dat bitterheid. Ik kom binnen met de kadootjes onder de arm en zie tot mijn verbazing dat iedereen al aan het uitbuiken is. "je zou toch om vijf uur hier zijn" klinkt het verontschuldigend. Ik mompel nog iets van een mobiele telefoon en waarom men dan niet even belt en snel langs de volle tafel de serre in om mijn jas af te leggen. Bij mezelf vraag ik me af hoe het mogelijk is dat je om 5 uur afspreekt en dat er meteen ook om 5 uur gegeten moet worden. Ik begin met het begroeten van de nieuw vrijer van mijn zusje. Nerveus lacht hij me toe. Voor hem ben ik de messias die hem uit het spervuur van "humor" van mijn moeder houdt. Ik knuffel mijn oma geef mijn moeder een vluchtige kus en negeer haar vriend. Schijnbaar heeft hij instructies gekregen en pakt meteen zijn spullen om te vertrekken. Ik schuif aan en krijg meteen een vol bord eten. Mijn moeder begint meteen met een paar grappen over "Wim" de nieuwe vrijer van mijn zus. Hij draait ongemakkelijk op zijn stoel. Ik knipoog naar hem en maak een paar snedige opmerkingen richting mijn moeder. Zo de toon is gezet. Ik weet hoe ze normaal als een locomotief met haar cynisme iemand neerwalst, en ik kan me alleen maar voorstellen wat hij heeft moeten doormaken de afgelopen maanden.

Na het eten wordt mijn neefje wakker en springt als een bezetene op me, hij geeft me een warme knuffel waar ik helemaal van smelt. Ik fluister hem in zijn oortje dat zijn oom een paar heel mooie kadootjes heeft meegebracht. We zitten inmiddels met zijn allen in de woonkamer. De TV aan (gelukkig). Ik heb een hekel aan TV maar alleen op Kerstavond is het een bondgenoot. Ik schakel in mijn selectieve doofheidsmodus en staar onbewogen naar de bewegende beelden. Ondertussen begint mijn moeder alle verhalen uit het verleden op te rakelen. De nieuwe vrijer van mijn zus is de pineut. Onzeker en verlegen als hij is, is hij een gemakkelijk slachtoffer. Hij zit ook in een ongemakkelijke positie aangezien hij de TV niet kan zien. Hij kan alleen maar in de richting van mijn moeder kijken en daarmee is zijn lot bezegelt. Ik wist dit van te voren en koos zorgvuldig mijn plek uit. Ik besef ineens dat het de plek van mijn opa is en gniffel van binnen. Ik herinner mij ineens dat hij ook altijd voor "doof" speelde. De avond gaat snel voorbij dankzij de inhoudsloze tv-programma's met hoog entertainmentsgehalte. Het is tijd voor mijn zus om te gaan. Ik neem snel afscheid van mijn neefje en ze zijn weg. Ik sip een beetje aan de punch. Ik zit nu alleen met mijn omaatje en mijn moeder. Ai het is moelijk om haar nu nog te negeren. Ze praat nog over ditjes en datjes en zegt ineens: "Ik wil jou andere zus onterven". Ik schrik op. Ze noemt nooit haar naam. Ik had veel verwacht maar niet zo'n onderwerp op Kerstavond. Ik weet even een moment niet wat te zeggen. Ik begin over verdraagzaamheid en over stappen die haast omonkeerbaar lijken, over misverstanden en wijsheid en er nog eens goed over na te denken. Ik zie het gezicht van mijn moeder verharden. Ze begint over haar pijn over haar leven en haar eeuwige slachtofferrol. Ik sta op en ga naar het toilet. Even rust, even een vlucht. Ik kom terug en zeg hardop, "het is al laat en ik moet nog een eindje sturen". Ik pak mijn jas en geef mijn oma nog een warme knuffel. Al die tijd heeft ze stil gezeten en weinig gezegd. Ze wisselde af en toe een lieve lach naar me uit. Sinds mijn opa in haar armen stierf zit ze in een soort van emotionele dementie. Ik voel een traan opkomen. Gehaast pak ik mijn tas en geef mijn moeder gauw een kus. Ik draai de straat uit met Brian Ferry op de achtegrond, slave to love....

empty

2007-12-23T00:30:00.000+01:00

I stare at the empty screen. My heart feels like there is a rock resting on it. I try to understand the situation. Why things escalate. I have many why's. I have no answers. I had the trust that things are ok. That I don't have to worry about this special relation I feel. But I guess that I am to much of a dreamer. And didn't see the dark clouds gathering. I thought we have the ultimate relation. That we are so much alike that not much needed to be said to understand. But also in this I was wrong. I wanted to believe to much it is like I thought it is. But the truth hurts. I guess I created my own reality. There is so much love running thru my vains. But the love is not received, not recognized. Maybe it's to hard on this distance, maybe it's impossible. I thought our love would cross this distance and make us strong for the difficulte times we would face. Now I feel like a small baby. There is no one to cover me. No one to hold me. I am alone like I was before. I just wanted to live an breath. Not wait untill the certain day. I wanted to explore and experience and share my adventures with my love. To give content to our conversations, exchanging our stories so that we are able to let the fire keep on burning. Now I am afraid the fired died. Not in me. I will always love her. But I guess for somebody else this is just hollow words. I am not capable to put in words what I feel. I am not capable coz it's words where I would wish to make her feel, by touch, kiss, embracing and making love. But all this is impossible for now. I feel cold, emtpy and vulnerable. I feel once more thrown in a black pit. I am not sure if I can get out on own strength. I guess I have no other option. I lost my trust that love is possible in this world. I only had my share of impossibilities.......

België

2007-12-18T14:52:00.000+01:00

Hier ben ik komen wonen, omdat ik Nederland niet meer kon uitstaan. De haat werd groter dan de liefde. Het is nooit mijn land geweest doordat het altijd vreemd voor me was. Dit door de mix van Indisch, Nederlands, Noord-Holland en Limburgs bloed. Ik was vlees nog vis voor de anderen. Ik ondervond al op jonge leeftijd de "tolerante" houding van Nederlanders t.a.v. Nederlanders met een gemengde afkomst. Het maakte mij ontheemd maar het maakt ook een wereldburger van me. En op een dag was de maat vol. De schijnheiligheid en te foute tolerantie, ik vertrok naar een land dat vooral niet schijnheilig is en vooral niet tolerant. Het Goede doel had mijn geïnspireerd. Hier als vreemdeling tussen vreemdelingen voel ik mij thuis. Misschien soms geïsoleerd, maar er zijn andere wegen om dat isolement niet te voelen. Voor mij is dat vooral fotografie. Maar nu, politieke crisis in België. Walen kunnen niet meer met de Vlamingen maar misschien nog meer dat de Vlamingen niet meer met de Walen kunnen. Althans dat is wat de politici en sommige populisten ons willen laten geloven. De gewone Vlaming wil nog steeds een heerlijke petite Jambonneau eten in de Ardennen, en de Waal wil ook graag een dagje verdwalen in Antwerpen. Maar wat nu. Er wordt al geroepen om de Vlamingen aan te laten sluiten met Nederland. En dat is het punt. Dat is mijn grootste angst. Het schrikt mij af. Ik begin al naarstig te zoeken op internet bij makelaars naar vervallen boerderijtjes in de Arndennen. Mijn koffers staan al bijna gepakt. Het schrikbeeld spookt door mijn hoofd die schijnheilige kop van Balkenende te moeten aanschouwen als mijn nieuwe premier, Wilders met zijn knettergek geraas in de 2de kamer. Rita Verdonk met haar zieke beeldspraak over de "gewone" nederlander en haar "duidelijke" taal. Nee ik wil liever Leterme die het volkslied niet kent. De stoethaspels en de loosers in de Belgische politiek. Laat mij alsjeblieft hier zijn, rustig ver weg van het gekonkel van Nederland. Ik voel me juist zo goed in deze geordende chaos. Deze Nederlander zegt: Laat België alsjeblieft voortbestaan........

Overgave!

2007-12-12T23:38:00.000+01:00

Ik was 14 toen ik een stukje las. Het was een vodje papier met gekopieerde tekst. Ik weet niet meer waar het vandaan kwam en hoe het in mijn bezit was gekomen. Maar ik weet nog hoe ik het rode wangetjes las. Het was een korte beschrijving van het verhaal van O, oftewel Histoire d'O. Het fascineerde mij. Waarom het dat toen deed weet ik niet, maar ik was er nieuwsgierig naar, bijna obsessief. Het verhaal prikkelde mijn diepste fantasiën. Het heeft mij nooit meer losgelaten.

Vandaag, ik was voor zaken in Brussel. Voor de lunch liet ik mijzelf verleiden even een passend koffietentje te vinden. Arcadi op de hoek van de Arenbergstraat en de Koningsgalerij. Une Tarte citron de merengue met een petite espresso. Na de lunch liep ik de Koningsgalerij in. Ik slenterde wat rond en hield op een gegeven moment halt voor een DVD/DC winkel. Wat mij opviel was de hoeveelheid aan Film Noir die de etalage sierden. Als een magneet werd ik naar binnen getrokken. Ik zocht eigenlijk de film Angel-A van Luc Besson die om onduidelijke redenen nooit in België of Nederland in de bioscoop is verschenen. Ik blijf als versteend staan bij een aantal DVD hoezen van Fellini. Daar stond hij dan de lang gezochte en vaak vergeten obsessie. Histoire d'O. Ik pak snel de verpakking en haast me naar de kassa. Ik bedacht me dat ik ook nog die andere film zocht. "Je cherchez un film de Luc Besson, Angel-A" vraag ik aan de verkoper. "Oui, au premier étage". Ik loop naar boven en vind al snel de film. Hij is ook nog afgeprijst wat een geluk.

Thuisgekomen speel ik met de dvd hoes in mijn handen. Zal ik gaan kijken. Zal ik teleurgesteld zijn? Ik besluit om de film op te zetten. Ik gooi alle verwachtingen overboord. Tenslotte is het een film uit 1975. Gekluisterd zit ik aan mijn scherm. Het beeld doet pijn aan mijn ogen van de hoeveelheid softfocus. De muziek is net zo vaag als bij Emanuelle. En de hoeveelheid erotiek verbleekt bij het sexuele geweld van heden ten dage. Eigenlijk is het een slap verhaal, wat alleen in die tijd een schokgolf teweeg bracht. Maar toch.

Het is het onderliggende gevoel wat mij raakt. En ineens besef ik waar het om gaat. Ik heb altijd een buitengewoon grote interesse gehad in het spel van dominantie en onderwerping. Vanuit dezelfde interesse observeerde ik ook BDSM. Het kon mij echter nooit helemaal bekoren. Ik begreep de mensen die het toepassen niet, ik begreep hun motivatie niet. Het bleef altijd bij iets van vernedering, overheersing, onderwerping, iets fysieks iets pijnlijks.

Deze film echter toonde me de ware aard achter al dit al, en ineens besefte ik dat al die mensen die met BDSM bezig zijn de plank volledig misslaan. Het gaat niet om onderwerping het gaat om overgave. De ultieme liefde voelen voor iemand en jezelf daarin volledig overgeven. En dat is meteen waar het in onze maatschappij aan ontbreekt. Overgave! We zitten vol verwachtingen, we hebben onze lijstjes klaar. We hebben zoveel teleurstellingen meegemaakt en stellen onze volgende ex alweer danig op de proef. Zij/hij krijgt te maken met alles wat haar/zijn voorgang(st)er heeft misdaan. We leven met angsten, we laten niet los. We willen vooral niet kwetsbaar zijn. Het internet is daarbij het ultieme middel geworden om al zappend van contact naar contact te springen. 1 verkeerd woord en met een druk op de knop geblokeerd, gewist of genegeerd, net zoals hier op Happy. We consumeren het contact met anderen zoals we mcnuggets consumeren.

Maar wat is nu de wezenlijk essentie van de Liefde? Zelfs de universele liefde? De essentie is de kracht om jezelf eraan over te geven. Je over te geven aan die persoon. Willoos en kwetsbaar, in een staat van je mag doen met me wat je wilt. Ik heb altijd de vrijheid om te gaan. Maar ik ben van jou en zolang ik daar voor kies mag je dat met mij doen. In het geval van "Histoire d'O" is het vooral ook iets fysieks en sexueels, het gaat om de ultieme liefde en daarvoor alles te doorstaan.

Ik geloof dat alleen door deze overgave we onszelf kunnen genezen en de weg naar onszelf hervinden. Ik geloof dat de overgave aan de liefde van iemand we ons ook overgeven aan het leven en het leven weer te voelen zoals het bedoeld is.

2007-11-16T16:36:00.001+01:00

kittens in da house

2007-10-04T22:58:00.001+01:00

2 weeks ago my lovely Shanti gave birth to 4 beautiful kids, here some pics:

Kate & me

2007-10-02T00:09:00.000+01:00

Weirdo

2007-09-21T12:15:00.000+01:00

So here it is, Kate is following extra classes to master english. The system of learning is called TOEFL. Recently Kate got a new tutor. He introduced himself as Dave and Dave comes from Canada. One day they were discussing relationships and this Dave started to ask questions around in the class. Naturally Kate came with her story on our relation, and he got interested by the fact that I am a "foreigner" (not Taiwanees), and the fact of age difference. So soon he got more interested and even started to have an opinion, and feelings of concern. My frist hunch was that this guy was actually trying to get closer to her, and I was right because soon after, to Kates suprise, he said something about that she should date a younger, cooler and more interesting guy. And that the relationship I have with her is not one with a future. It really burned my fuses that this guy had no respect at all, as a stranger ventilating his opinion, furthermore not take me serious at all with addressing Kate. So for my releave, and fun, I made this little game. I copied a picture from his myspace and created a little flash game where anybody can throw "Dave" around. It feels really releaving, distressing, relaxing, distracting and like a good therapy. I feel a bit like a voodoo master playing the puppet. So if there is anybody out there that feels frustrated about a person, feel free to send a picture and I will make a nifty little version for you too! Here you can find this nice little thing, have fun! Ow and by the way. You can use your mouse (click-hold) to throw and move the figure, so don't hold back at all!

My renewed website

2007-09-18T14:23:00.000+01:00

Seperated

2007-09-10T23:46:00.001+01:00

It took me some time to write again about my experiences and feelings. Kate left at 25th of august. Her leave was not without some trouble at the airfield. It's embarrasing to see that you are treated like cattle at an airport. That makes saying goodbye even more harsh and something cold. Because there is no time left for emotions or feelings the moment you check in. Humans seem to become more and more inhumane. This is the way we treat ourselves this is what became of our society. Because we wanted power and gadgets and things to fill our void.

But this story is about something else, it's about the first time we made love in Paris, our small room behind the wooden blinds and heavy curtains of the hotel. The sounds of the city murmur in the background. In the distance the last tourists are driven off of the mountain of Parnasse. The sacre coeur reflects in the pools from rain. But we, we are behind the curtains in our small double bedroom, fullfilling the desires that grew over nine months. Untill this very moment. It's hard to determine what feeling was stronger, lust, passion or love. But we gave in to it and we made our connection. We discussed it so many times, but imagination, fiction or fantasy stay always hypothetical and are washed away when the moment of truth arises. The real thing, the real touch, taste and rythm. This is the moment we waited for. It was always there from the beginning we knew it, we wanted it and we dit it. We did it in a special way, a way that will always remain our little secret. Something so specific and so planned that I can't imagine anybody else ever doing this. I feel rich and lucky to have experiencing it this way. Maybe one day, one day at all or maybe not, I may share it with someone. But till that day, it will remain the secret of Kate and me.

The homecoming to my place was suprisingly easy. Kate felt homy the moment she entered my house and from the first moment we were living like a couple, only a month. But a month is filled with many moments that are experienced like eternity. So a month was short and wasn't at all. We lived like a couple, again I say it to my surpise and I long for that very moment again. Our passion for food, cooking, our rythm and lifestyle that fits like a glove. The blanks she fills of me and the blanks I fill for her. Two minds one thought. Stable and strong. Of course we had our little differences, I like to call them minor. Because we are a kindred spirit. And we always find a way back. That's why I miss my Kate so much. It's not the fact that she left, because she was able to stay in my heart. But still, it leaves a big space, her being back in Taiwan.

2007-09-10T10:45:00.000+01:00

I made this for my old friend Larissa's birthday. It took my PC 4 hours to calculate the movie. After that I had to add sound and work on the filesize. Here is the original quicktime movie....

2007-09-07T09:18:00.000+01:00

2007-08-31T14:51:00.000+01:00

Uh, uh, I personally believe that she should be the next person running as such as candidate for president.

2007-08-31T11:20:00.000+01:00

The first kiss

2007-08-09T12:40:00.000+01:00

(continued) For D. chedwick I was wearing my favourite Dior Homme.

She looks quickly around to see if she catches me. While waiting the arrival hall became pretty crowded. Kate catches my eyes and laugsh nervously. I think I give a same kind of reaction. I hurry to the place where she is heading behind the gates that seperates us from the exit of the customs area. Automatically I embrace her. She freezes a bit. Overwhelmed by my presence. I hold her for a moment and smell her scent of fresh violins. I move backwards and look her in her eyes. She gives me a quick look but then turn her eyes away. Kate is too shy and in away it pleases me. I tease her a bit with this fact and she returns with a fake angry face. I laugh and I take her suitcase. "let's leave this place I murmur" and take her by the hand. I find back the elevator that brought me here from the parking deck downstairs. 10 minutes later we find ourselves back at the A1 in direction Paris. Back in the hotel I have to leave Kate alone in the elevator because her oversized suitcase and her tender body fill it completely. I run 8 stairs up to be earlier then the elevator. Short of air I free Kate from the packed elevator. A few moments later we lay down on the bed. Without sound and without words we stair in the half dark at each other. The soft light of a rainy morning in Paris is falling through the curtains. I move closer to Kate. We say nothing. We feel just like kissing. Gently I touch her face, stroking it with the back of my hand. She is so soft, as soft as I imagined her. I move closer and I kiss her eyebrows, her nose and her cheeks. Then I kiss her lips, softly like a feather that touches the floor after a long descend. She responds in the same gentle way. Nine months we waited for this kiss. And now it's the moment. No hurry, no crazy passion, just this instant genlte and tender moment. We have time and we won't rush. We waited long enough not to destroy this infinite fairytale moment. It's even more perfect then we could imagine, though neither of us were having to much expectations. Even now writing about this very moment I feel that the power of it grows stronger and stronger. These are the very moments that shape our memories and are cherished forever. After our first explorations of kissing we start to feel hungry. After an hour or so I suggest to have breakfast. I long for a fresh baked croissant with a strong coffee. Kate jumps up and dissapears in the bathroom for a quick check up. I stare at the ceiling, I feel happy. (to be continued)......

the new bill on wiretapping in the states

2007-08-06T11:44:00.000+01:00

It's sad to see that the U.S. turn into the former U.S.S.R. lookalike with their homeland security and the new bill that is passed for wiretapping. It's almost ironical. It was always the U.S. that was crying out loud the rights, the freedom, democracy, and condemning the system of the U.S.S.R. But secretly the men in power, secretly they dreamed of absolute power and a way to control the subjects in their country. The terrorists gave them all that was needed. And feeding the average american every day with bits and pieces to keep the fear alive gives them the oppertunity under the false flag of safety to take away rights and freedom day by day. This comes closer to George Orwell's (thanks D!) "1984" big brother is watching you. Before you know it turns back in to the system of red square and the same system Cauescu used. The securitate was a system based up one half of the population spying upon the other half. You never knew if your neighbour, your brother, your kid, your coworker or anybody else could be trusted.

The attacks of 9/11 were terrible, but were eventually easy to work out. All you needed was a big plane with kerosine to ingite the fire. But basically the terrorists are just a bunch of camel drivers hidden in caves, dreaming of burning the imperial Americas.

It's a simple sum to be calculated. What if, after the attacks of 9/11 there would have been no war on Irak? No war on terror? Just licking the wounds and change the foreign politics. Because at the end it's the dirty politics that created people like Osama Bin Laden. What if America would have retreated from the stage of dirty politics and focus on what can be repaired and change their image in the world? Let's face it, the U.S. is an agressor, though it be in disguise. It's all about the money. There won't be intervention from the U.S. in Darfur, because there is nothing to get, only dry sand and poor blacks. There won't be any intervention in Zimbabwe to get rid of Mugabe who is as bad as Saddam Hussein. Probably Mugabe signed a contract with the weapons industry in the states.

At the end poor bastards are send to Irak and Afganhistan to fight a lost war. The only thinkable reason is that the terrorists are attracted by the sitting ducks they are and keeping them away from the homeland. Because who would do all the effort to attack targets in America when they are on walking distance in the middle east? Another generation of young americans is wrecked, emotionally destroyed and ruined to have a normal life. After this war they will be just other rambo's with problems to adjust to society. Haunted by the visions of war and death.

It's a crazy world and I wonder of people are really missing the point here? Does everybody believe the crap politicians are telling us? In this light it would be interesting to see a movie like V for Vengeance, in my opinion this movie tells it all.

Kate has arrived

2007-08-06T09:13:00.001+01:00

She is here, already now for nine days. I know I let everybody wait to continue the lovestory unfolding between us. I am sorry for that. It's just that this first week we were busy with each other and many things to do. And unfortunatly Kate feels very sick, she's got a cold and it looks like she has an acute Otitis. In one hour we will consult a doc.

Paris, that's where Kate would arrive. For the 2 simple reasons that it's much cheaper to fly to Paris then Amsterdam, and secondly who wouldn't like to meet his/her love in the city of Romance? I booked a beautiful little hotel in the quartier Opèra. It is one of the rare romantic hotels that can be found with beautiful furniture, colorfull classic rooms with rich wallpaper, curtains and bed linnen. With those typical Paris acenseurs (elevator), to small for ones suitcase and themselves. The hotel is situated at walking distance of the Sacre Coeur, and rue la Fayette. Kate would arrive at 6 AM at saturday morning so I arrived friday night to have a quick sleep before picking her up from Charles de Gaulle. I studied the route at least 10 times, to make sure that I would be there promptly. The idea of getting late was terrifying me.

It's 4 in the morning, I stretch myself and take a moment to think. It's still dark outside. I can hear my heart beat with a little excitement. This is it, the long awaited moment. I jump out of the bed, energetic. I take a shower, I let the hot water warm my body and it makes me feel even more energetic. The wet shave makes me feel fresh, I always stuck to wet shaving. I could never understand why somebody would use an electric lawnmower for ones face with the feeling of tearing the hair and burning the face. I check thoroughly that I am smooth like a babies bum. I get dressed, just jeans a t-shirt and my favourite spanish boots. I promised Kate not to overdress, because it would make her uncomfortable. Days before I was joking I would turn up in a 3-piece suit. I get my bag with papers and keys and head down to the reception desk. The night watch smiles at me and opens the front door. I turn left and leave the rue de la tour d'Auvergne and walk donwhill to the garage that is near rue de la Fayette. I get a bit cranky by the thought of paying 8 hours of parking the same as 24 hours. But something small shouldn't ruin my mood. I pay the fee and move to the elevator. I hold the doors for a friendly eldery couple rushing in after me. After some searching I find the car and I am off. At the exit of the garage I turn right in direction of rue la Fayette. The streets are empty, it makes me feel like I am the ruler of Paris. I pass the church of Saint Vincent de Paul, a beautiful roman style church with 2 square towers. There is something spooky about this church he reminds me of some movie the prince of darkness. After the curch I see on my left Gare du Nord, totally dipped in silence and no sight of a living soul. A big difference compared to daytime when there is police, travelers, traders, drug dealers, junkies and clochards. At the crossing with rue de Fauburg Saint-Denis I head north in the direction of Port de La Chapelle, it won't be long before I am on the A1. Then it will only take 20 minutes to Charles de Gaulle. I start to feel butteflies in my belly with the thought that only an hour or so is seperating me from Kate. Nine months I waited for this moment. I feel one way awfully peacefull and excited at the same. A hunch of premination tells me that her flight will arive more early as planned so I am happy with the fact that I got up more early. After 2o minutes of quiet highway I take the exit of Charles de Gaulle. It looks much different then I thought and I feel a bit lost. Also the fact that the signs are pretty confusing, I figure it out and before I know I find a parking place. While walking into the elevator I hear a somebody addressing me. I look over my shoulder and I see again the eldery couple. It's a funny coincedence and we start to laugh. The woman tells me that she is going to pick up her cousin from south Africa. We arrive at the hallway for arrivals. I check the information table, it's 5.20 AM and I see that the flight of Kate already arrived. I rush to the exit where she would appear but there are still no people leaving. With every minute I get more nervous now and I look back over the past months. How we got to plan this, how we spent so much time on Skype. How we built our rituals around our seperated lives with Internet as the thin thread. At some point I see more and more asian people leaving the gate, for me the sign that any moment Kate could arrive..... I am excited and filled with undefined expectations. I see a big suitcase and I see her........ to be continued.

Butterflies in my belly

2007-07-26T09:56:00.000+01:00

The clock is ticking, only 43 hours to go and I will meet Kate. It took about 6 months to wait for the moment I would meet her in the flesh. Many questions rise, like: how will be the first aproach, the first touch, the first kiss. Will it be a moment of slow motion, sensing every second to be experienced as an enternal moment, or will it be just a jump and enthousiastic embrace? Will the first kiss be one that is filled with joy and to much reaction, or will it be a slow, thought through intense filled with unhaste? No matter how many times I thought about the conditions and the circumtstances, how many times I ran through the whole setup, the final moment itself will show how it will be. Driven by the senses and feelings at that very moment, reaction to what is felt instantly, without holding back, sliding and giving in to what is felt. One thing is sure, I will feel super conscious about that very moment. I will let go of myself without holding control. But I don't want to rush it, I wanna feel this and keep it as a memory that won't be forgotten. Somehow it feels like somekind of liberation. It feels like homecoming. Maybe there is a lot of imagination added to it. Maybe there is also a lot of idealizing attached to it. But somehow everything feels so damn right about it that I don't care. I know I wasn't writing on my blog for a longer time. Somehow i couldn't find any words to share. Maybe this waiting put me into a vacuum. At least that is how I felt. Nothing in paticular was coming out of me. I couldn't even focus really well on being creative. Like I was sparing myself and keeping it all for that very moment. The best thing that I feel is that I don't have any expectations. I feel totally open for the experience and the adventure. And as I know, Kate feels the same way. She is a wonderful person that knows how to move me. She knows always to push the right buttons. Though I won't let her know she does. But I think she knows. Maybe the unspoken words are the best. The unspoken knowing, that is what a relation, friendship or relation of any kind always make the best. Words can sometimes destroy so much. Why things have to be said when they are sensed so strong? My best guess is that sometimes words are needed just to fill the void. When that is the case, the "real" thing is missing. At least that is something I can really tell from past experiences. Words should be never said, or replace anything that is sensed. In this I refer to the good feelings. Feelings of love and adoration, of longing and passion......

"recalling weeks events"

2007-07-01T20:46:00.000+01:00

It was a dreadfull week, one with ups and downs. But we made it. After the harsh mail exchange with a friend, that made me worried and gave me sleepless nights, I was looking forward for my little voyage to Cologne with my friend Hanneke. She challenged me to be on time because me the big mouth said to her to meet at nine A.M. She knows I am one of those time challencing humans, always fighting the clock. So Kate would support me to call me in time. And I made it exactly at nine 0'clock. Hanneke still with her toothbrush in her mouth opened the door, expecting me to be late as usual. So after a quick prep from her, we were ready to leave Eindhoven in direction Germany. While talking we exchanged our latest troubles and events. As forseen she told me about some things that were happening between her and her boyfriend. It was not a suprise because I felt a certain tention when I was over for her birthday some weeks ago. I in exchange told my story about the fight with my friend. We concluded that we would make it a great day and forget about our little troubles of life for a day.

My suprise to her would be a visit to a bookstore from Taschen in Cologne. Man, if you are in books, especially about Art, Architecture, Photography then this is the place to be. I discovered this bookstore in November last year, and I promised myself a present if I find a new job. So the moment came that I wanted to get my present. In my first visit I saw the large Copy about Jan Saudek a rather controversial Czech photographer born in 1935. The book is 28 X 33.3 cm a little of 448 pages and for those who wanna know 4.1 kg.

For those who wanna know more about this phenoma Jan Saudek, I would advice to visit his website especially his curriculum is an interesting part. In 1959 Jan Saudek gets a camera from his girlfriend a Flexarette 6x6. He still uses this camera. A technique he uses in his pictures is coloring them by hand. Therefore giving them the distinguished Jan Saudek carnivalesque apearance.

My favourite picture is titled Hey Joe! Here in a colorized version. What is for me making this picture interesting is the strange post-war apearance. But also what struck me is the sharpness of the clouds compared to other parts of the picture. I believe that the clouds were blended in somehow.

After visiting Cologne we drove off to Solingen, and visited the "Schoß Burg" and the Müngstener Bridge. This construction was started in 1893 and ended in 1897. The Kaiser Wilhelm II gave the order to build this masterpiece. But he refused to appear on the grand opening because the bridge was devoted to the rememberance of the 100 birthday of his grandfather Wilhelm I. Another interesting note is that the bridge is build by the company M.A.N. A company that still exists these days. The bridge is 500 meters long, weighs 5000 ton is 107 meter high measured above the river the "Wupper". They used 950.000 rivets, and a mythology tells the story that one of the rivets is made of gold. The specific rivet is still not found untill this day. After the 1st world war the bridge was renamed Müngstener Brücke.

After a long day we headed home. I was happy to see Hanneke again and to have time to talk and discuss anything that came up. She always inspires me with her passion for illustration and her interesting stories.

Only a month to go

2007-06-28T22:03:00.001+01:00

It's almost unbelievable. I started with my countdown counter somewhere around 180 days. At that time I still thought it would be impossible to pass the time. But as I can see now, many things happened in between from that very moment up to this. That kept me going and distracted. Now finally my little princess will come over for a month of holiday. Starting with 3 days in Paris. I look so forward for that moment. The moment of meeting her, but also to greet the city that I love so much. To feel the atmosphere of Paris, and better to experience that with my distant love. I am reading the city guide to pieces and make already virtual tours. Ow how much I would wish to have a dinner again at "La Coupole" at Mont Parnasse. To skid stones in the small canal St. Martin. Or to get lost in Printemps, Lafayette or Semaphore. Walk around at the hidden graveyard of Mont Martre, or just take a nap underneath the Tour Eifel in the grass, and when opening my eyes be suprised seeing the massive structure. It's wonderful how we kept the faith, Kate and I. Sometimes we had our reality checks, then we started to question this strange voyage we started, not knowing where to go. But now we don't care, it was worth the waiting and our love grew steady and we can't miss a day talking. I sometimes think it's the kind of romance that is hard to find these days anymore. It's the kind or romance you normally get to see in a Hollywood flick. But in this society where people are consumed by their own need for consuming, the endless hunt for succes, the detachement of being human and of nature, we feel that this glowing, burning passionate love, is a great gift that we cherish. In 30 days the adventure will start it's second phase, I am longing for it, and I want to feel and experience every second as an eternal moment. I love you Kate.

My Camera Collection

2007-06-26T21:03:00.001+01:00

Part two is about the second camera I found today next to the Zeiss Ikon. It's a "Yashica Minister - D". This camera I bought also just on luck, to my suprise this camera was released in 1963, that's the year I was born. So I consider this as luck. Maybe it's not real antique, but it has some emotional value to find a product from this year. What really makes me happy that this camera originally from Japan, has almost no plastic parts. While cleaning the camera the only plastic party I could discover is the lens of the CDS light measuring Censor. This camera must have been pretty revolutionairy with it's very sensitive light censor. The trick is that on top of the camera is a dial that represents the ASA value of the film. The dial has to point at the right value, the light meter will after operating a seperate button on the back of the camera point at a value, this value is to be found at the ring of the lens. After choosing the corresponding value, the camera is ready to shoot. This camera is a rangefinder type, so setting the focus is done with a pretty complex device, consisting of mirrors. They give an image of a yellow box with a center, while focusing the lens the image gives a ghost in the small central dot, when the two images fit together the camera is focused. These were the days that people still had time to make a picture. The technical data on the camera is: Yashica Minister D Manufactured around 1963, 35mm rangefinder camera, Yashica Yashinon 4.5cm f/2.8 and a Copal-SVL shutter (speeds 1 to 1/500 sec, B,M,X , delay action) and an uncoupled CDS exposure meter.

My Camera Collection

2007-06-26T19:51:00.000+01:00

Today i was lucky, I was stroling through Antwerpen on my way home, when I found this "eco-shop". It's a second hand shop with all kind of stuff, from second hand kitchen stuff to furniture and everything in between. A quick tour through the shop brought me back to the entrance, when I noticed a small cabinet with some camera's and stuff. The first Camera I noticed was a "Zeis Ikon Box Tengor" with a Goerz Frontar achromat lens. To be more specific it's the first Zeiss Ikon Camera that was prototyped in 1920 and released about 1926, this was the year smaller companies merged into Zeiss Ikon, one of the companies was Goerz, hence the name of the lens. The film format is 120, this means that the size of the pictures taken is 6x9 cm.

It's interesting how those first camera's looked inside. It's a simple box with a film pressure plate in the film housing, keeping the film flat (something quite revolutionairy those days). Furthermore it has 2 shutter speeds, 1/24 and B and to my big suprise it has 3 aperture settings f11, f16 and f22. The aperture is a simple strip of metal with 3 different holes. The camera has 2 simple viewfinders (vertical and horizontal). To operate this type of camera you really need to have good knowledge of photogaphy. On the web are different sites with pictures actually taken with this box. It's one out of three of the Zeiss Ikon cameras in my collection, probably the first model ever released by Zeiss Ikon.

Here is an add for a newer type of the Box Tengor (probably around 1930):

"Underwater Sculptures"

2007-06-22T19:25:00.000+01:00

"The all time Fetish Queen"

2007-06-04T23:48:00.000+01:00

Bettie Page (born April 22, 1923 in Nashville, Tennessee) was a popular American model and pin-up girl in the 1950s. Page posed for a number of fetish modelling photos in addition to pin-up photos. While she faded into obscurity in the 1960s, she experienced a resurgence of popularity in the 1980s and now has a loyal cult following. It's rather amusing footage of her, and by moments I wondered what she is actually doing, but somehow I couldn't stop watching.

"Sushi Bar"

2007-06-04T23:31:00.000+01:00

great idea of placing a camera on a conveyor belt of a Sushi bar in Tokyo. Some people even don't notive the camera passing them, great footage of ordinairy people.....

"50's Pinup style Photography"

2007-06-03T03:17:00.000+01:00

On a sunny day at the war museum of Overloon in Holland with a good friend making old style pin ups of her.

Art Freak

2007-06-03T02:44:00.001+01:00

Nat

2007-05-20T21:43:00.000+01:00

is het gravelpad dat zachtjes kraakt onder mijn gympies. De deur piept hard achter mij dicht. Een rilling glijdt langs mijn rug als ik de geur van een open haard diep opsnuif. Weer dat gemis, Roemenië. Ik blijf een moment staan, snuif nogmaals de geur op, laat het gevoel op mij inwerken. Deze vreemde pijn, de mix van sentiment en gemis. Ik zet mijn voeten richting uitgang van het Begijnhof. Rond dit uur is het meest aangenaam, geen mensen die mij kunnen zien, geen mensen die ik wil zien. Eindelijk het regent, zachtjes hoor ik het druppen met hier en daar het gekletter van een kapotte regengoot waar het water met meer geweld op de grond valt. Ik kom bij de uitgang van het Begijnhof en draai af richting kerk. Langzaam wandel ik, mijn blik naar de grond gericht. Ik zie het gat in mijn rechterschoen. Geen geld voor nieuwe en geen geld voor reparatie. Onwillekeurig denk ik na over dit probleem. Hoe lang zou het nog duren voordat ik schoenen kan kopen? Ik vraag me af hoe lang het nog duurt voordat ik weer fatsoenlijk boodschappen durf te doen. De afgelopen 2 jaar hebben mij totaal geconditioneerd om bijna geen geld meer uit te geven. Zeker niet aan eten. Althans het kost mij de grootste moeite om dat te doen. Ik loop voorbij de kerk die statig de donkere nacht in torend. Honderden jaren oud, onverstoorbaar zoveel gezien en te vertellen. Ik kom bij de automatique, ik verga van de dorst. ik zoek naar iets wat me zal bevallen. Ik zie een vrolijk blikje met knallende kleuren, iets exotisch. Ik werp 2 euro in de gleuf en bestudeer hoe een soort van robot lift het blikje behendig opvangt en naar de uitgang transporteert. Ik hoor het vegen van een bezem en zie aan de overkant de kelner van "den Bottel" het terras schrobben. Ik kijk om me heen en zie een andere automaat. Het was mij ontgaan dat er ook bier te verkrijgen was. Bier uit een automaat. Belgischer kan het niet. Ze hebben ook wijn, ik besluit er een wijntje bij te nemen. Nog een zak chips en ik ben weer op pad. Ik erger mij dat het Lays chips zijn. Te zout en niet te vreten. Ik baal van deze merken die het straatbeeld en de winkelrekken vult. Diversiteit aan smaak gaat verloren door de globalisten. Lays, Pringles, Coke, Pepsi allemaal hetzelfde. Ze maken ons dom en willen ons doen geloven dat het "cool" is om deze merken te gebruiken, dat het geluk in een cola blikje zit. Ik loop terug naar de kerk en buig net voor de kerk af. Ik loop langs een paar graven. Mijn oog valt op een fotootje van een jonge knaap in strak en stijf pak. 1924-1945 zie ik in het donker. Ontrukt uit ons leven door een vliegende bom. Ik loop verder langs de paar overgebleven graven. Waarschijnlijk was het kerkhof veel groter vroeger dan de 10-tal graven die er nu nog staan. Meer als decoratie dan als kerkhof denk ik bij mezelf. Ik kom op de lange straat achter de kerk die recht naar het oude kasteel loopt. De jeugdgevangenis. Terwijl ik loop kijk ik om me heen, neem alle details in mij op, schaduwen die bewegen achter gordijnen, blauw licht van televisies flakkert tegen de muren. Ik denk aan gisteravond, aan het feestje waar ik was en wat mij vervulde vol walging en afschuw. Goedkoop plat publiek, nederlandse import in België. Dikke naakte vrouwen, die dansen op een podium, oud vlees in goedkoop lak bij elkaar gebonden. Veertiger mannen die nog even gesnoven hebben aan een flesje testoseron. Lillend oud vlees op Organza achtige beats. Nietszeggend, afgetakeld, plat, decadent, genitaliën gericht, breinloos. Ow ik liet me weer eens meeslepen in mijn eigen enthousiamse en daar stond ik dan. Balen, van de entreeprijs, balen van de opgewarmde diepvries saté, dat als eten door moest gaan. Balen van de muziek, de goedkope parfum van de vrouwen om mij heen. Ik speelde mee, ik deed alsof ik het leuk vond, tenslotte had ik betaald, maar ik was liever thuis gebleven. Soms moet je dit denk ik zien, om te weten wat je niet wilt, en om zeker te weten wat je wel wilt. Mijn afkeer voor groepsdingen, groepsmensen, platte humor, onderbroekenlol wordt ook nog eens versterkt. Ik zei vandaag tegen Kate, ik wil meer en meer mij afzonderen van mensen. Ik heb meer en meer minder trek in mensen, zelfs vrienden. Ik wil mijn eigen kleine wereldje, mijn eigen bubble en iedereen buiten houden. Ik kan het tegen haar zeggen omdat ze het begrijpt. Ze is ook zo. Ze wil het ook. Vreemd dit meisje aan de andere kant van de aardbol, andere culttuur en andere leeftijd, en ze voelt hetzelfde. Soms is er best wel die angst dat ik het idealiseer en dat ik wil dat ze hetzelfde is, maar toch, ik zie het en voel het. Zijn we dan toch die soulmates? Ik ben intussen bij de weg naar de nachtwinkel aangekomen. Ik denk weer aan een paar jaar geleden, aan Boekarest. Die vreemde ontheemdheid, die depressieve omgeving die mij gelukkig maakte. Ik den aan Garbage, "I am only happy when it rains". Ja het is waar ik ben alleen gelukkig als het regent. Terwijl ik peins hoor ik de deurbel van de nachtwinkel, even gauw een doos kattevoer.....

The most obsolete institute in this world

2007-05-16T15:59:00.000+01:00

It was some coincedence that I saw last week the visit of the pope in Brazil and next to that a historical part of a series about Rome. The part was about the emperor Constantine and how he overtook power, defeated his enemies and installed the christian religion as the new state religion. This event was not merely because he was such a true believer but more because it was a strategic decission otherwise his empire would be torn up by the differences in religion. The story also goes that he was only baptized before he died, and that the circumstances were more that he was to weak to resist then actually asking for it. What this all has to do with the pope. It's quite simple, it was at the council of Nicea at June 325 AD that Constantine put down the rules for the modern church as we know it. To make Christian religion more addeptable to the non Christians he even added some none Christian symbols and rituals into the Christian church. Furthermore he and his bishops anounced Jezus to be the son of God and also removed some of the original testaments of some Apostels. When I actually think in what way and under which circumstances the basics for the Catholic church are founded then the whole concept of the Catholic church becomes even more ridiculous.

And here I am today finding myself in front of the tube, seeing an old guy dressed up in a richly embroided curtain telling us what to do, no abortions, no sex with condoms, no sex before marriage, no gays and no lesbians, no to all that is forbidden by the rules of the church or else you go to hell or you become excomunicated. There was even a time that sex was sure something that would entirely be something for reproduction and pleasure was an evil thing. So is that all this guy can anounce? What solutions they really bring to this world? Thousands of people are dying every day of war and starvation. Many of those wars even have a religious background. People are dying and killed for no reason, but all this joker can make a fuss about is the things I mentioned before. Only punishment, no solutions. Actually not even the love or compassion that they praise and spread. I have much respect for the real priests and nuns working in harsh conditions and show mercy and compassion to those who need it most, it's just a pitty thing that with that the catholic believe is spread as a true thing. The only truth is the purity of these solitude workers and their own personal faith. In my opinion the church has nothing to do with it and the Catholic religion is just a bad joke. And for that you just have to look into history. It was not that long ago that people were burned for being different. Hell they even whiped out complete societies that were supposed to be a threat to their power. In that case I respect much Sinead o'Connor when she was tearing up the picture of the former pope. But she was perfectly right, rulers from ivory towers. Talking about hell and damnation for us sinners. The only thing I appreciate of the church is the beauty of architecture and the art that was created over the years. In my opinion there is not any true religion. Most religions only created suffering, war, dirty politics, differences and power to the wrong people. As far as I can see the church as an institute is just a concept created by people who wanted to overpower people. The true story about Jezus and God we will never know because in time the bible is only filled with deformations and lies. True believe is in every normal person, we all know where lies the difference in wrong and right. It's time to whipe out all traces of religion and that we start to search for the responsebility in ourselves, instead of blaming a God for all terror in this world. Common sense and feeling the energy around us is all we need. In fact the Church became obsolete and one day we will just find the remains of churches as we find pyramids nowadays. A witness of some other religion that faced this world in the past.

The Inner Circle

2007-05-05T23:43:00.000+01:00

There are always hidden worlds amongst ours, that are for a few obvious to attend for others never to be discovered. Some of these worlds have a long mystical background and are centuries old. Filled with rituals and secret initations. Others consist of fullfilling ones desires and fantasies, but to much of a taboo to be showed in the open. I like sometimes to wander around in these twilight zones of mankind. To observe, to experience to meet interesting people to add to my collections of extraordinairy experiences. A few weeks ago was one of those nights. Thru a friend I was invited to attend a party in Bruxelles. The party was arranged by a circle op people that have a greater interest in SM with a special interest in bondage. Though I am not interested to be a subject to it, I am more interested in the visual aspect of it. For me bondage is an Art and feast for the eyes instead of something I would like to experience physically. My attraction to SM is not so physical either, it's more or less the fascination for the game of power then a game of pain. I see it more as an interesting psychilogical experience of trust and power. I always wonder who is really in control, the dominating one or the submissive one? Anyway, we took off to Bruxelles that is a small hour of driving, and we found ourselves back in a small street in the heart of this european capital. The address that was given to us looked rather abandoned, in the street was no living soul and nothing pointed out that there would be a gathering or party of some kind. The building was caught in between some other buildings that at daytime were probably shops. The address itself looked like a travel agency, but one that used to have it's glory days some decades ago. It showed a window with pictures of the caribean, a surf board, fish nets and some other tropical objects decorating the space behind the glass. The pictures were yellowed by the sunlight, the objects looked dusty. My first thought was that this travel agency went out of business some time ago. Next to the window was a glass door with two people at the end of a rich decorated hallway. Somehow the hallway didn't fit to the facade of the building. Therefore it looked like secret passage to another dimension. The decorations in the wall were marble pieces mostly found in old french style fireplaces. They were put in the wall like parts of a jigsaw puzzle. We stepped in and the people gave us a warm welcome. They checked the guestlist and then let us through into a "vestiaire". We put down our coats and then went on. The next door let us into a small room with a bar. The passages between the main hallway and the bar were all a bit tiny, therefore making the feeling stronger of something secret, a hidden world. The host made us feel welcome and we payed our contribution of 40 euro's. It included the whole evening of food, entertainment and drinks. We moved on to the other room and for a moment I was startled. It's hard to describe how it looked. It was rather overwhelming. The main area was like 3 stories high, and I could look all the way up. The whole place was richly decorated, and gave a feeling of a boudoir. But a closer look revealed all kinds of crazy objects. The main color was of the room was red it was filled with objects like old telephones, scarfs, glass beats, curly iron frames, french lillys, flowers, old electrical switch boards, industrial objects, mirrors, chains, antiques, objects of Art Deco and Art Noveau, chairs, tables, pillows, sofa's, a bar, signs. I mean I can't still find words to describe the atmosphere, but I have to say it was breathtaking. Maybe you could say it was a collection of junk, but still it was put with so much fantasy and creativity that you never had a dull moment just looking around. The room was filled with the invited guests, and everybody had his own style of clothes. There were people dressed in black, some more fetish style, with leather, lack or latex. Everybody had his or her style, and there was a highly erotic atmosphere. In some smaller area next to the main area was a cloaking room with small closets to put away our bags. When I made a tour thru this place I saw many objects to fullfill different acts for bondage, SM but also for plain sexual games. I found some stairs up to the stories that were visible from the main room, and every floor had it's own destinct atmosphere. A Jacuzzi was found, many rooms with cozy corners with pillows and matrasses. One room contained even a motorcycle with sidecar and a Deux Chevaux, something to fullfill the most outrageous fantasy? As the night went on many interesting acts were done, and some very interesting bondage acts were shown to the audience. The food and drinks were terrific. I met some very interesting people and I had a good time trying to make conversation in French without even speaking one word of it. The level of the people was from a very different kind then I normally meet on the more ordinairy fetish events and parties. Therefore admittance to this inner circle is strictly on invitation only. This is the safeguard to prevent the event from sliding down into something common and maybe dirty. I was delighted to be part of this special ocassion and I am looking forward for the next one to come.

"JOB"

2007-05-05T13:56:00.000+01:00

The past weeks I experienced like a passing huricane. Now I sit here with my cup of Turkish coffee. Staring at the ceiling. Thoughts follow each other in slow pace. It's just now that I start to understand the impact of the sudden change in my life. It's 20 months. Yes 20 months ago that I lost my job. It was the start of unwanted events and total devistation for a longer period that would be ahead of me. And somehow I knew it, the day my manager told me that he didn't want to work with me anymore. I saw it coming but I ignored it all the time. The moment he spoke those words, this hypocrytical bastard, I was filled with sorrow but I was also set free. His distrust that I felt for months, the way he treated me as if I would be somekind of suspect. I couldn't stand the pressure. I know partly I am cause of the problem, because it's a fact that I can't stand people who look over my shoulders, pressuring me, controlling me. I function the best when I am free and trusted. Slowly I lost my trust and my motivation. I got phonecalls on the middle of the day to check to see what I was doing. While my colleagues were at the same time getting their kids from school during business hours. He was expecting results from me in 6 months that would be normally be reasonable to expect in 3 years. It's a long story and to detailed to get to the point why this is so, but believe me I know the business well. Anyway. The situation was not paticular good to find within a reasonable time again a job, so I was fearing the worst.

I put a lot of effort in trying to find a new job, but like I mentioned the climate for a new job was not that good. Of course there were enough jobs available as simple labor in some factory, but I was even refused for that. Their simple answer was that my background was to heavy to do a simple job. So I had to turn to the welffare and get money to live. And boy, I was hit back hard to poverty. Of course there are always people having a worser situation then mine. At the end of the day I had a more expensive rent and other costs based on the wage I earned before. But when you are without money, it's not easy just to move and find another place to live. Then again I was also positive in changing my situations and find a decent job again, so I would be able to continue living in this house and things would be back soon to normal.

But I was wrong, it took me 20 months. First I was enjoying the freetime, after working for more then 25 years I felt that after so many dissapointments I was entitled to make a step back and just make from this bad situation also something I could enjoy. So I was able to focus on making art and pictures. I even had the hope that maybe with working hard and making pictures I could change my profession. But, at the end I only met people that were using me. Because I didn't proof myself as photographer I thought it would be wise to do some networking and proof myself worthy as a photographer. But I am sorry to say, Belgiums are only interested in something when it's for free. So it didn't quite work, I think I also met the wrong people. One among the was P. (I won't mention his name). We started to have a friendship where I was doing different things in photography for him because he tried to manage a band. But the friendship became sour. Most of it was alcohol abuse and drug abuse. I can't deal with people that do this and can't take them serious.

In those 20 months my financial situation became bad, my debts raised and I couldn't pay my rent anymore. And there was nowhere I could turn to or some way to deal with it. Besides of that I started to loose the rythm of everyday life. Living single and without a job and also being somekind of creative night owl, my life started to shift from daytime to nighttime, A very bad but logical thing to happen. Besides of that i was really in some depressed moods, and I don't feel like mention to much about it but was a very serious condition. An other thing that happened is that as an unemployed person you become "conterminated" and most people didn't want to deal with me anymore. It only proofs that our society is only mentioned for people that have succes. It made so clear how everything functions and I even understand more about people that loose everything and why they become the way they are. I was always balancing on the edge. I have to admit I gave up on myself pretty much. But always found some way to manage to keep on breathing and move on with it. Also my lovelife was "zero". It looked like I had a sign on my forehead saying, hurt this sucker. So to prevent in loosing total control of my life I started working in a factory and later at DHL Logistics. Believe me I can write books about it. Normally I worked as key accountmanager for several jobs and now I was packing lipsticks at DHL in cartons. I don't feel to good for a job like that, but boy, the people. Racism, ignorance, disrespectfull, stupid, and more of these labels I can use for the environment I had to work in. I don't feel better then any other, I can addept easily but believe me it was hell to work like that. I was even accused to be to smart. I just wanted to do my fucking job and be left alone. The most idiot thing of it all was that the wage was even less then the wellfare money that I would get normally. So just by being a good citizen and work I was even punished by getting less money.

So it's 20 months, and I started the 1st of may as accountmanager again. I still can't believe it, I can't believe I survived this ordeal and slowly are getting on my feed again. It was the worst time of my life and I lost a lot of trust in other people. I also see how society hardened and that there is no place for people that have no job. Who volunteers for having no job anyway? In my opinion having a job is overrated, and at least I kept a few friends that never judged me on what I do but on who I am. I am somehow glad that I experienced this period and the first thing I did yesterday, is cleaning up my addressbook, maillist and MSN list. I have at least again a bit control in my life, though I still have to deal with 20 months of build up debts. It will take a couple of years to get back on my feet but to close this story with the one event that started this all; meeting Kate, she made me feel rich again.

Irina Ionesco

2007-04-21T18:24:00.000+01:00

It was 1974, I was about 11 years old. As a boy I always liked to stumble around at the addic of my grandparents. My grandfather was receiving every month a magazine called "Stern". It was a german monthly magazine that was filled with stories about politics, scandals, documentaries, movies, music and now and then also some nudity. As 11 years old boy I was just discovering the secrets of sexuality, the things that parents didn't talk about. The more things were covered up the more I was curious. One day I sneaked up the addic and I found one of the editions of "Stern". On the front page was a picture of a girl, she was rather young but the way she was photographed was highly erotic, at the same time the picture radiated something magical. It turned out that the pictures were made by Irini Ionesco, and the girl in the pictures was her very own daughter Eva.

Irina Ionesco (born on September 3, 1935) is a French photographer born in Paris, France. She was the daughter of Romanian immigrants. She spent her childhood years in Constanţa, Romania before she moved to Paris. She traveled and painted for several years before discovering photography. Her work is described as erotic.In 1974 she exhibited some of her work at the Nikon Gallery in Paris and attracted lots of attention. She was soon published in numerous magazines, books, and featured at galleries across the globe.

I remember the article, because I watched german television I could read german easily. The article mentioned that she was received quite controversial because she was picturing her own daughter in erotic and nude settings. The first pictures she made Eva was just 5. She had her studio just at home in her small appartment. The windows were covered with shutters to keep the light out and the walls and ceiling were painted black. The interior looked like a boudoir and all the accessories gave a magical feeling of a fairytale world. The funny thing about this is that she used really cheap and old fabrics, lace and objects. Nothing of what she used had any value. But it was the magic she made with her lens, and the way how she used the objects and fabrics. What she was doing with old fabrics she was also applying to the models. She like to have an ugly model and then create the magic and turn the model into a mysterious representation of beauty. The way she worked she taught completely herself, her gear consisted of a simple SLR camera with a 50 mm lens. She was actually a painter who by coincedence discovered photography.

Some people were condemning her method regarding the nude pictures of her daughter, others were seeing her as a genius. Nevertheless, I never felt that this was something bad, there was a certain beauty and mystical feeling radiating from her pictures and even now I can remember the strange feelings they stirred up in me. It was not somekind of sexual feeling, it was something deep, untouchable. A longing to melt into the odd scene, this hidden world, this boudoir like atmosphere. I think that these pictures left a mark in my mind that would stay forever. I never saw such beauty in a pictures again, and I can still feel lost looking at them. It took many years that Irina would be acknowledged as an important photographer that had a larger influence. Strange enough she became very liked in Japan, and over the years she traveled many times to Japan and had quite a few expositions in Japan. There are even some limited books published in Japan that cost around $900. Though her role is important for photography she is not known by many people. I think she is one of the rare photographers that knew how to expose the beauty of women in a way that still makes me speechless. I can only stare and wonder. It creates a longing to something unknown, something lost. It's hidden beauty, mysterious, mystical, there is space for guessing and exploring. Especially in these days where nudity and porn are found everywhere her pictures even have more value. My biggest wish is to find one day a copy of one of her books.

Old times

2007-04-20T00:39:00.000+01:00

When I did my duty I went to the airforce and was later stationed in a secret cave in the south of Holland. It was called the Joint Operations Center and it was a HQ of Nato. I was working as a telex operator. Telex is nowadays a fossile of communication. I remember the times around x-mas and new year when the connected stations were sending messages with drawings that were completely build up from characters. Later on the net when there were no pictures, only text, people were using the same technique, nowadays knows as ASCII drawings. Looking around on YouTube I found one drawing as a sort of comment, that I found rather funny. So I thought to post it here.

................... .... ... /´ /)
.................... ..,../¯ ..//
.................... ..../... ./ /
.................... ..,/¯ ..//
.................... ./... ./ /
............./´¯/' ...'/´¯`•¸
........../'/.../... ./... ..../¨¯\
........('(...´(... ....... ,~/'...')
.........\.......... ..... ..\/..../
..........''...\.... ..... . _.•´
............\....... ..... ..(
..............\..... ..... ...\

Disgusting MSN

2007-04-19T23:48:00.000+01:00

Everytime when I open my MSN I get this stupid unwanted news window, with really stupid news items, like "boy and girl make love in wrong car" or "overview of plastic surgery gone bad". Like I really would be interested in this kind of brainless news.

But today something else caught my atttention, here is a picture of that item, it's in dutch and I will make a small translation:

In a nutshell it's a news item about the shooter of Virginia Tech "Cho Sueng Hui". The little story states how he send a package containg several video's, pictures and letters to NBC. So far nothing bad, it's all over the news and it may be considered as important, though I wonder why because this happens every day in Iraq. It's a tragedy indeed, but we have far more bigger tragedies outside and they never make the news. Anyway, what is my concern and what makes me disgusted about MSN is the 2 buttons underneath the story. One button is green and says: "kicken" what would be translated mean something like "cool" and the other button in red says "dumpen" what maybe some of you will indeed recognize. It means "dump". If there would be some hilaric or bizar story I would eventually understand and even laugh about the matter. But this voting system is really disgusting. You can actually see that the whole setup for this site is focused on youths. And that is exactly my point, this is how our society is evolving. It's shallow, brainless and totally superficial and with a total lack of feelings to make news like something you can shoot at like in a shooting gallery.Hot or not, cool or dump, is this really how this kind of news should be rated? Anyway it seems that rating systems are found everywhere on the net it's this kind of bullshit we see everywhere everyday. The problem is that any nitwit can put news on this site because it's in the section of "MSN reporter". So here is a platform offered to people to put news in a section where you can rate it as cool or dump. Do the developers of MSN have any brain at all? Or why is there not any editing on what would be accepted to put up here? What the fuck is wrong with this world? Why do we accept this and why some assholes think that we find this funny or even want this kind of garbage? It's totally the wrong place and the wrong thing to do. And even the fact that we have free services like MSN messenger and therefore are accepting this is actually the sad story of today. A lot of people will say, you don't have to look at it. It's like TV you just change the channel. But my point is that teenagers are part of this thing, and they become shallow and without any sense what is acceptable or not because they are exposed to this every day. Once the internet was a beautiful anarchistic thing without control and direction. But when it became the territory of the commercialists it was the end of a beautiful beginning.

"Erotikon"

2007-04-19T16:11:00.000+01:00

Last monday was the official Kick-off of the project "Erotikon" I mentioned before. This was done at the 5th anniversay of the Colorbar in Antwerpen. The first part of the evening would be one for VIP and press the second part would be for the audience. To elaborate what this is all about; I take part in the project as a performer of one dance. See my former weblog entry.

We startd last monday at 1.00 pm with a general rehearsal. Putting the last details in place. For me it was the first time I had to rehearse with the tailormade outfit for this show. And of course some problems came up. The outfit was made so that my fellow dancers could stript me down. Because the show has an erotic background with fetishism angles the outfit was made from leather. But it turned soon out that while dancing I could loose my trousers. That was not completely the plan. So we made some small adjumstments on the spot. The funny thing was that the club where this kick-off took place has a stage but that it's not really meant for theatrical productions. So there would be some practical problems in how we approach the stage etc. But for the rest everything was fine, just being creative and solution driven makes things work. The team of people were amazing. First of all there is Marc Bogaerts he is the choreograph and he worked, to name a few, with the Royal Ballet of Flanders and Cirque du Soleil. He did a good job to teach people with no dancing experience at all in a few weeks with just a couple of rehearsals to perform a complete dance. We are still amateurs but for the untrained audience it looked perfect. Totally I performed 2 times that night. The biggest challenge was to hide my private parts. Because the at of the dance I am symbolicly "freed" of my malehood. And that will be revealed at the end so I had to hide my "pride" ;-) very well. I consulted a transvestite and it turned out that a lot of color skin tape is needed amongst some other rahter painfull tricks. So now I am anxious for the big show on 11 and 12 may. And I hope to find soon some pictures and eventual video's to add on this weblog about Erotikon.

Loveletters from Taiwan

2007-04-18T15:14:00.000+01:00

Finally, they came. Kate her mail from Taiwan. Not just some ordinairy email, but real old fashioned physical evidence of the existence of a real person. How strange that I even call email ordinairy, but actually that's what it is these days. I found the note on the floor of my hallway and I rushed to the postoffice. Strange enough she made 2 attempts before, the first letter never arrived and the second one was sent back because I missed the note of arrival between the pile of paper spam I get on a daily bases. When I drove back on my bicycle, my heart started to beat in an crazed frequency. I realized that this was the first time I was holding something in my hands that she created. The very first physical touch of something that made 10.000 km of travel and what she had in her hands untill the moment came to push it thru the opening of a mailbox. The package contained many things, it made me feel I am for a moment part of her world. A ticket of some gig, a sticker, a cd with her professional photo's (for my project to build her a website), 2 letters, an index that showed the content of the package written in colorfull lines, her old plectrum, her phonebill (only one page out of 10) covered with my phonenumber (she named it the proof of our growing love), a birthday card, a sticker of old Paris and a brochure from some Donut chain. Ow how much I love being this silly over her package. It's a fact one day back in history I refused to grow up and I can feel very silly about these tokens and little stuff she sends me. I keep it under my pillow and sometimes before sleeping I read the letters again. I am greedy for her handwriting, I am greedy with the idea how her beautiful hands touched the paper with care and passion. Now it's my turn to send something back. I have to admit I prosponed it, but I also had some practical reasons for that. But I came up with the idea not send a letter but a small notebook. I started writing one night in the garden, a bottle of wine next to me, a candle for light. The idea to use a book is that it will travel back and forth between us. Thus adding words to each others writings. Next to words anything can be glued or taped inside this book. One day we will hold this book in our hands, and smile and see how our love evolved. The idea of creating something physical rather then something digital is wonderful old fashioned but somehow so much more value. Really Kate, I love us being silly!

The magical number of 100

2007-04-11T03:19:00.000+01:00

Long I waited for this moment, though it's just another milestone for the real event. Today it will be 100 days from now that I will finally meet my little muse from Taiwan. But just another day and it will be less then 100 that I have to wait. When I came up with the idea to put this countdown on my weblog I was thrilled. One for mastering a piece of Java and second that I visually kept informed about the passing time. Time is a funny thing. Coz working an hour always takes longer then having fun for one hour. What came to my attention that in the beginning the days seem to fly. But later when the countdown was steadily going down with the same pace, it felt that it will take a lifetime before I meet her. But the feeling is still the same, she is worth the waiting, and it's funny how our relationship is evolving over the net. Me behind my PC mastering different programms on design, and photography, she doing her assingments and reading a book every 2 days. With the cam open it feels like we already have a life together. Maybe for others this will look like rubbish and foolish, and sometimes we need a reality check, but isn't it after all what our hearts desire and what we can make true? My reality check was also receiving mail, and I am not just talking the e-mail thing, I am talking about the real thing. Seeing her handwriting, her crazy thoughts, her stickers, her little things like the used plectrum made my heart almost jump from my chest. So now I keep it under my pillow and my most valuable treasure. Now it's my turn to send something back, I am excited about it and thinking what kind of stuff I can send from my world to hers. Much of my ideas are disturbed by my muse, because she already threw me some wishes, haha. I have the trust that being together will even be much more fun then it's now. I know, we are just 2 crazy people, from different worlds, age, culture and who knows what. But still we don't feel any difference at all. Another 100 days and a new chapter will be written in our book of adventures......

Kate's Lyrics

2007-04-11T03:06:00.000+01:00

everytime when i see you walk into my sight

I can feel theres always something in your eye

the way youre walking like that, talking like that, acting like a homeless cat,

thats not the way I want it

theres someone whos taking away all your pride

I can feel all the fears running thro your mind

though I don't know what its like, be hurted like that, the wounds they just won't heal till now.

*wake up now, and find your light

its the chance of a lifetime

Don't waste it, don't waste it.

open your arms, embrace your life

Don't waste your tears, don't waste your tears for that.

These Lyrics kate wrote for me in the very beginning. And though I had the idea I was able to keep the pain inside of my past, she was seeing it all. She touched me deeply then, and she still touches me deeply now. I am silly sometimes and I can mix up names, but she knows it, how much place she has in my life. She inspired me to follow the light, she inspired me to believe in love again. And it's true, perception sometimes changes to much because of our experiences. So it's us who have to bend the perception back in it's original state, the state that makes us flow again like the winding river, instead of being the standing pool. I love you Kate for opening my senses.

Rehearsal for Erotikon

2007-04-07T14:31:00.000+01:00

Here it is, a sneak preview on a project that I am happily to join in one of the dancing acts. Without any dancing experience and theatre knowledge I am one of the about 15 people that dance in this secret project of Praga Khan. Because officially it's not released yet The 16th of april we will have our official kick-off and introduction at the 5 years anniversary of the Color Bar in Antwerpen.The dance I will perform with Hanne and Jolijn will represent the triangular relation between a man and 2 girls. At first I will be trying to show my power and my desire for being dominant. But as the story evolves and a glimpse of every day reality I loose my power and at the end I am dominated by the 2 women, so here we have it true "Girl Power". During the dance they will strip me down untill I am fully naked and therefore vulnerable. The end will be a rather suprise and I am not going to reveal that part now ;-). After the official kick-off I will reveal more information on this project. Go HERE to the website of project Erotikon

"on the way home" by Kate

2007-03-31T00:52:00.000+01:00

The Mysterie

2007-03-31T00:09:00.000+01:00

Your chance to get real goosebumps, follow this link and do the following, take a random number like 42, then add the 4+2=6. Then deduct the 6 from 42 giving 36. Look in the table for the number 36 and remember the matching symbol, click her hand, and..... she will guess the symbol you have in your mind. Here you can find this creepy lady.

Embryo by Polymorphe France

2007-03-29T01:21:00.000+01:00

A very touching and sensitive video from Polymorphe about the fetishsm for Latex. Sit back relax and feel. Don't you feel reborn?

The original website of the creator you can find here, and here you can find the original video in quicktime.

Kate in the photostudio.....

2007-03-20T21:24:00.000+01:00

Some pics taken by friends of Kate. A bit enhanced by me. You can really see how much she loves modeling ;-)

2007-03-17T03:35:00.000+01:00

Some of my impressions of Germany

2007-03-12T21:03:00.000+01:00

Time wears off all sharp edges.

The decadence of mankind, or nothing
really changed over all these years?

Forgotten glory from the time of "der Kaiser".

I feel lust for another cup......

Love thy city.

Even now and then Teddy's commit suicide

How low can I get?

2007-03-12T07:07:00.000+01:00

It's been more then a year now, the struggle to find a decent job. After I lost my job in september 2005 it wasn't a good situation in the market to find a job in sales again. The few jobs that were around were not interesting at all. Besides of that I lost a lot of my confidence. It's not easy get from one reorganisation into another. It also made my resume look bad. Every job interview I am questioned about those short term jobs I had. It's not my fault but hey, how to explain that to a new employer? In common they think there is something fishy about this guy. What they don't see is that I have the flexibility and all the strength to get back on my feet every time. So the year that's now behind me was a year of finding myself again and getting the trust that it will work out. But the truth is that it's seems almost impossible. I was doing fine with my latest job interview, I made my assessment very well, high score on experience, intellect, personality and commercial skills. I am getting into the third round, and then the shit hits the fan. For some unkown reason my former employer made a negative image of me. We agreed that I could also use him as a reference and therefor also named him in my resume, if I would had performed so badly as he says I did, why would I be so stupid to use him in my resume? I was totally in shock and taken by suprise. Besides of the short term jobs that I had for the last 5 years I now was facing a negative image. Of course they only asked this paticular last person about my history at this firm where I only worked for 9 months. They didn't made the effort to ask the other companies where I worked longer. So I was pictured as a liar and it felt I had no credibility at all. This whole weekend I was feeling like someone hit me with a hammer. For a year I am struggling to survive from wellfare money to temporary low paid jobs, just to find something serious again. So this nice former employer just ruins my future with his negative reference. The thing at the end is that as a jobseeker I have no credibility, an employer has it all. In regard to profession I am a serious person, I developed my skills and I have the benefit that I did many different things in my life. And when I am in an interview I want to show this all, but most important I don't like acting, I mean faking. These days they expect the acting part. I should be overflowing from enthousiasm for a new job. I am damn enthousiastic, but just like I am, seriously and without all the show and acting. That's just not me. But that's how it is, it's not good enough anymore. I score high on all the tests, people see me as charming, skilled and intelligent, I am just not a damn actor that praises the stars from heaven for a new job. My approach is as always serious. Maybe I just didn't find the right company and the right people. Today I will get the result from the interview, my premination is not that good. I just have to wait and see.....

The origin of fairytales

2007-03-08T10:54:00.000+01:00

Study on self portrait

2007-03-08T10:42:00.000+01:00

2007-03-08T02:00:00.000+01:00

No Eclips for me

2007-03-04T14:10:00.000+01:00

Boymans

2007-03-03T04:27:00.000+01:00

Impressions of a graveyard in the forest.

2007-03-03T03:27:00.000+01:00

It would only be fair.......

2007-02-24T07:04:00.001+01:00

Soon it will be 12 march a scary date because Kate will be operated to cure her Cardiac Valve problem. It was a exciting time the last weeks. It started all when she had her heart attack in December. From there things went rapidly when I found out that she had maybe just a few years more to live. From that severe attack she had 2 smaller ones. The last one was last week friday. Therefore I created this animation. Just a wish of my mind. Monday is my birthday, no present would make me happier then that her operation will be the succes we wish for and that it also will extend her life expectation. I feel unbelievable calm and peacefull, maybe it's because the determation Kate shows to me and what we talk about. Our goal is to meet, to be together and therefore we believe that nothing can stop this special moment. It will be hard for me to be 10.000 km away, while she will undergo her operation. It will be stressfull hours, waiting for the relieving phonecall that everything went fine. The chances as far as the statistics show and her doctor claims after examination is that she has a 80% chance that things will be ok. I pray for those 80%. Anyway, there is a good reason that we were brought together and I feel as determined as Kate. And I warn you Kate, don't you dare dying on me girl! Coz I love you.....

2007-02-21T04:13:00.000+01:00

Some favourites in photography

2007-02-21T00:23:00.000+01:00

Browser Blues.....

2007-02-19T01:08:00.000+01:00

I was very hopefull and enthousiastic to find that Microsoft had a new webbrowser launched. It is iexplorer 7. I had the hope that at least some major issues would be solved and that they at least were able to make it reliable and safe. How wrong I was. Safe it was for sure, but it was so safe that certain sites were nog able to function anymore inlcuding my weblog. I couldn't even upload pictures coz the pop-up screen didn't appear. Even after adjusting all the security items in the browser. At the end I closed even all features like the phishing prevention, the pop-up prevention and I lowered the security level. But nothing worked. I couldn't even read a simple site as Planet Internet without waiting for more then 5 minutes for a page to appear. It got me really pissed. Also my Opera didn't want to function like it should. So I erased the whole crap and installed Firefox. The first thing that appealed to me is the speed of Firefox. Se condly the neat add-ons that are free to download. I even discover that some features of Firefox are copied by Microsoft. Microsoft should be ashamed, they even use the tab browsing function with the same kind of small circle telling you it's working. The difference is also that at least in Firefox the tabs will open after clicking a link, and not like in iexplorer it just opens a new browser. I have to say it just to let of some steam, the guys at Mircosoft are a bunch of morons. They copy stuff and they copy bad. They cram the browser so full with safety stuff that it prevents to open some websites that are normally very safe to watch, that's a hell of a security. At least they got that right! If I get any chance in the future to spent a few bucks more, I will defenitly will leave the PC platform and move to Apple. I am tired to deal with Bill Gates his crap, and I would be happy to join the Apple family! But then again, that will take some time if you look at the pricing. But I think it's sure worth the money! Untill now I am happy with Firefox, and it does what it has to do, browsing without a headache or white knuckles from keeping my impatience under control. Ow and I don't need to click every flash window anymore, that's also a releave!

P.S. normally I wouldn't like to promote products, but hell f*ck Microsoft it's time for revenge!
(melting iexplorer by me) Oh yeah hit the skull and find a nice way of getting rid of your Bill Gates blues!

The Erotic Blog Index

2007-02-18T02:51:00.000+01:00

Sugarcut Japanese Forms Afuckaday Bananahole Sex-Aka Hotel Room Nudes Candyposes Fresh Nudes Erotica Curiosa The Genital Arts 50 Rooms Imagens K's Lounge Tokyo Undressed Tiny Nipples Asian Sirens Art Boobs Fluffy Lychees Eros Las Burbujas Enterradas Ojos Negros Otomano GallociCova Pleasuredome 1 Pleasuredome 2 Creamside Corps Circuits Cajon De Sastre A Rayas Aliciante A funda Sao Fluffy Lychees

Stark Trek Türk

2007-02-18T01:41:00.000+01:00

It's really amusing to see this amateuristic copy of Star Trek in Turkish, watch the beam-me-up part, and also listen to the samples they took from different Pink Floyd tracks. Defenitly to be marked as cult...

Ron Mueck @ work

2007-02-18T01:00:00.000+01:00

go here for more

Ray Ceasar

2007-02-17T04:15:00.000+01:00

The strange but beautiful art of Ray Ceasar, here to find more about him.....

In het leven is pijn onvermijdelijk maar is lijden optioneel.

2007-02-14T21:04:00.000+01:00

De moderne mens is het kwijt. De functie van pijn. Meer en meer zijn we het verloren omdat we ons gewend hebben gemaakt ons geluk te behalen uit materiële zaken. We omringen ons continu met dingen waarmee we ons gelukkig denken te kunnen maken, en als toch op de één of andere manier pijn onze weg kruist dan is de veel gehoorde kreet dat men de stad induikt om iets te kopen. We willen voor een moment onze weg terug naar het geluk kopen. Diep van binnen weten we dat het niets veranderd.

Als ik naar mijn eigen situatie kijk heb ik geleerd dat al dat materiële niets vervangt en niets bijdraagt aan mij als persoon of bestaan. Het maakt het leven aangenaam en laten we wel wezen bepaalde dingen zijn ook onmisbaar geworden wil je in deze hectische samenleving mee kunnen draaien. Het is niet voor ons gemakkelijk om te zeggen; ik keer de wereld de rug toe en ga terug naar iets basics. Het zijn mooie denkbeelden, maar het blijft bij dromerij.

Ik ben een gepassioneerde fotograaf, ik zou onmogelijk nog zonder mijn digitale camera en mijn gereedschap zoals een computer kunnen. Zelfs het schrijven in deze weblog is ergens onderdeel van mijn gevoel in deze samenleving mee te draaien. Ook ergens de macht van het creëren. Maar een stemmetje blijft tegen mij aanroepen dat het allemaal zo virtueel is en derhalve ook zo vergankelijk. Eigenlijk nu ik dit zo schrijf bedenk ik mij dat zelfs ouderwetse foto's minder vergankelijk zijn. Digitaal is alles vluchtig tenzij je het op papier drukt. Maar zelfs met de beste inktjetters is de foto maar 80 jaar gegarandeerd. Het culluloid daarentegen heeft toch wel een langer leven en zelfs oude foto's lijken alleen maar mooier door hun ouderdom.

Als de waarde van het materiële wegvalt dan blijft er ineens niets anders meer over dan lijden. Althans zo ervaren wij dat. Omdat we het niet begrijpen, omdat we de functie van pijn niet snappen, omdat we er gewoon weg niet meer aan gewend zijn. Maar pijn is noodzakelijk, het is net zo belangrijk als het leven zelf. Het zijn onze leermomenten, het zijn de momenten waar wij doorheen moeten en niet omheen moeten. Het zijn de momenten dat we totaal met onzelf worden geconfronteerd. Uiteindelijk zijn het ook de momenten die ons duidelijk maken dat er ook momenten in ons leven zijn zonder pijn. Er is geen licht zonder donker. Het gevaar is echter dat we verzanden in een eindeloos lijden. De slachtofferrol vanuit het totale gevoel van onbegrip waarom juist mij dat moet overkomen. Echter dit is de realiteit de waarheid van ons bestaan en de confrontatie met onszelf, het moment waarbij we ook onze verdekte angsten laten ontwaken, het absolute einde voor het absolute nieuwe begin. Soms lijkt het vallen niet op te houden, en moeten we zo diep dat er geen uitweg meer lijkt te zijn. De één forceert soms een uitweg die eigenlijk alleen maar het absolute einde is. Omdat er niemand is die kan begrijpen of meevoelen. Mensen met mensen omringd en toch zo éénzaam. Anderen kwijnen weg en hebben geen oog meer voor de ultieme mogelijkheid die deze situatie biedt. Eerlijkheid gebied mij te zeggen dat ik mijzelf in verschillende schemeringen van het bestaan heb bewogen. En ik heb al deze zijdes ervaren en mij op het randje bewogen van onomkeerbare beslissingen. En niet altijd was ik volledig overtuigd van het waarom en kon ik mijzelf redden van een stupiditeit. Wat niet weg neemt dat de spiraal alleen maar naar beneden werd vervolgd en mij nog meer in ellende stortte. Maar als men al je angsten op jezelf loslaat dan is er aan het einde geen angst meer. Misschien wordt ik zelfs laconiek.

Een gedachte houdt mij altijd staande, niemand kan "mij" afnemen. Mijn innerlijke rijkdom blijft iets van mij, en hoe gebroken ik mij soms kan voelen, of verloren. Ik kan altijd nog in mijn innerlijke wezen schoonheid en rijkdom beleven totdat ik klaar ben om op eigen kracht weer naar buiten te treden. Dit is ook zo vaak herkenbaar als leven in het verleden, een verlangen naar wat is geweest, om dan te ontwaken in de werkelijkheid van het nu. Maar toch is het een rijkdom op deze zaken te mogen teren. Ik weet dat die dag van terugkeer en naar buiten treden zal komen, ik heb geen ongeduld meer over wanneer of hoe. Ik zie kleine signalen, ik zie kleine bewegwijzeringsborden en veranderingen. Ik zie dat ik ineens in staat ben duidelijke keuzes te maken, misschien vaak kwetsend voor anderen maar absolute trouw aan mijzelf. Ik probeer mijn signalen in het oog te houden als ik verdwaal. Ik geloof dat uiteindelijk de liefde het zal overwinnen, en ik mijzelf terug kan geven wat ik dacht verloren te hebben.

Magical Dior pour Homme

2007-02-12T04:16:00.000+01:00

The notes

Top       : Lavender, Sage, Cardamom
Heart    : Iris, Cacao, Amber
Base      : Vetiver, Patchouli, Leather

Every time I get seduced to leave my house with the fragrance of Dior on me. Every time it makes me feel alive and self loved, an invisible shield of wonderful emotions to carry, places to see, food to taste, things to do, experiences to experience, the world to conquer without a battle to win, for now Dior is my favourite!

Shaï wear (human packing), sex sells....

2007-02-12T03:22:00.001+01:00

The Shaï interactive catalog. Unfortenatly this catalog is removed due to the fact that it was the summer 2006 clothing catalog. Anyway when it was available it was downloadable, and I of cours in my eternal chase for the extraordinairy things I was that smart to keep a copy on my PC. Anyway here is the proof, or at least the thought that sex sells. The catalog consisted of a interactive quicktime movie where a rollover with the mouse would cause the movie to halt and show details about the clothing, like; color, size and name. There was a women-men version, a women-women version and at last a men-men version. You are warned it's pure pornograhpical material, but anyway from my point of view an interesting and daring campaign to sell a product. I think that Shaï is a very interesting brand that likes to find new ways to get attention. We saw this kind of daring advertisement from a brand like United Colors of Benetton, the bullet pierced t-shirt from some Yugoslavian soldier that died during the war. Here you can find out more about Shaï and here used to be the videocatalog.

Casino Royal

2007-02-12T01:22:00.000+01:00

Not entirely free of objectivity I went to see the movie Casino Royal the new James bond movie. The news and the internet were full with the stories about the fact that mr. Craig wouldn't fit the profile of the perfect double-O-seven. And I almost was sharing that vision. So somehow I became curious about what would be presented in this new sequel of a long row of James Bond movies. But I have to admit, I was nailed to my seat from the very first moment. In short I can only say this, the movie is filled with realistic action, no fancy special effects. Only the real stuff though, it's quite daring for ordinairy humans to do what they do in this movie. But then again he is not the average secret service agent, he is James Bond. They also left out Q in this movie, so there is no sign of over the top unrealistic gadgets, like invisible cars, or laser beams hidden in watches that can cut thru the thickest steel. No just plain stuff, that is very realistic. Like the handy small defribilator, don't ask me why it comes up in the movie, coz that would give a way part of the plot. Or the small chip that he gets implanted in his arm and has the function of a tracking device, a very realistic object because it already exists as an idea of a wireless key for opening doors. Then there is the mobile phone, with GPS, and a function to broadcast his body functions to the homebase, something that is actually today's technology. The rest is fists, knives, and guns. James (David Craig), get's his ass kicked, wounded, tortured (on a very sensitive male position), car crashed, poisoned, and hospitalized. What more human can you expect for this character? He is not the God that he used to be, and quite frankly the James Bond movies before look like comedies and ridiculous characters. I think that this mr. Bond is actually the Bond Ian Fleming meant in his books. I won't mention the older versions with Sean Connery, coz they are in my opinion very authentic and realistic too. I just had for a moment halfway the movie an unstatisfactory feeling because of a certain change in the plot. But ow, how wrong I got there, because like I said, it was just halfway the movie and then the shit really hit the fan. One of the things that also impressed me was Montenegro. The title of the movie is Casino Royal because there is the showdown between mr. Bond and the bad guy Le Chiffre. And the casino is situated in Montenegro. For me this is a fairytale country, and I defenitly have to visit it one day. And I can asure you that I won't forget my photocamera! For anybody who want's to have good old fashioned ass-kicking adventure with a high adrenaline content, Casino Royal is a must see movie! Higly entertaining, and worth the money!

P.S. there are a few things that apealed to me, one is that at some point just for a small moment Richard Branson (the founder of Virgin records) is visible in the movie, he gets frisked at the gate at Miami Airport. The second is that they deal with some old James Bond Cliches, like the shaken not stirred Martinis. At some point mr. Craig (annoyed by his defeat by his oponent) answers to the waiter who asks "shaken not stirred", "I don't give a damn, give me the Martini". There are a few more small hints where they deal with the old cliches, but then again you can look for yourself.......

The secret of French girls or the BB effect

2007-02-12T00:09:00.000+01:00

There is something about french girls. The question is what is it, but actually no one knows. Not all of them have this mystical magic something, but once in a while it's there, I call it the BB effect because of Brigitte Bardot, I think she was one of the first that brought it to TV and Cinema. Here is a sample of another one, it's Alizée with her song "j'en ai marre". Just see it for yourself, it's there, is it the dance, is it her innocent looks, is it the song, is it......, damn what is it?

Happy birthday Kate

2007-02-10T20:07:00.000+01:00

Today Kate had her first birthday with me, but what to do about the distance and not being able to party IRL? While we were talking on the net I had a small idea. I told Kate to wait for 15 minutes because I had some urgent thing to attend to. So I rushed out of the room found my shoes, run into the kitchen checking on the candles that I still had somewhere in a drawer, it turned out that I had sufficient quantity to decorate a cake. I took my wallet and rushed out of the door to run to the bakery that is a few blocks away. When I came back the cam shut down due to me screensaver. I fired it up again and asked Kate to be ready. A few minutes later I came into the room with this beautiful small "Breton Cake with krieken" what means something like traditional cake from Bretange with cherries. I blew out the candles for her, and unfortenatly ate the whole cake. That was a big punishment for me ;-) So Kate a happy and beautiful birthay. You know my present that I gave you virtually and partly to you, the rest of the present will be continuated when we will meet. I love you!

A gift that Kate send me...

2007-02-10T16:58:00.000+01:00

This is a japanese commercial about the jeans brand "Bobson".
The words that are spoken are very beautiful and poetic, therefor Kate send them to me:

"Running away from you"
"So that you will get closer to me"
"Walking in front of you"
"So that you know to put me ahead"

Kate has her birthday......

2007-02-09T20:49:00.000+01:00